bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

episode 38

"I don't know what to do Sandeul."

The older sighed and tilted his head as he eyed the younger. "What's wrong?"

The younger let out a raspy sigh, rubbing his hair in frustration. "I don't know."

Sandeul just stared at Seokjin, not knowing what to say, more so, how to say it.

"I heard from Yoongi, you've been doing great."

Seokjin didn't respond.

"However," Sandeul started. "You would still have breakdowns and panic attacks, and despite their reassurances that they'll be there for you no matter what, you can't seem to show any progress of believing them."

Seokjin kept silent, not meeting the other's eyes as Sandeul looked at him.

"Are you hiding something, Jinnie?"

Seokjin shook his head. "I've been  telling them everything about what I feel. All the thoughts, all the urges, I go to them immediately."

"Then what's so hard?"

Silence covered both the males as Seokjin looked down. Sandeul grew worried for a second. Did I use the right words?

Why is it so hard Seokjin?

Seokjin shook the thought, knowing it will have follow up questions that always lead to breakdowns or even panic attacks. He actually envied his mind. He'd be stationary but his mind is actually going places that it'd be going from North to South in just a thought.

Sandeul sighed, turning to look at the male's eyes. "You're still hiding something then."

Eyes widening, Seokjin shook his head, hands raised in front of him as an act of defense. "N-No, Sandeulie. I told you, I practically showed my entire soul – not the way you're thinking about – to them."

Sandeul no longer responded, staring at Seokjin. Seokjin let out a raspy sigh, letting out his frustration by rubbing his hair as he leant back and stared at the table that separated the two, his arms falling to his lap. "I don't know why I keep falling. I mean, I try to keep smiling, to continue being happy, I now trust my members with everything but nothing works. One second I would be okay, the next I won't. The cycle is just starting to get me."

Sandeul breathed out, leaning forward to Seokjin. "It means you're still hiding something Seokjin. Maybe not hiding it, but you haven't mentioned it to them."

Seokjin silently loked away, fiddling the hem of his sleeves. "I'm not hiding anything." He whispered, enough for the other to hear.

Sandeul sighed. "You know what, if you don't let everything go, nothing will happen. You'll continue with that process over and over again if you don't let go." He said, eyeing the younger in the eye.

Seokjin broke the eye contact, looking down as he let out a shaky breath, his vision blurring, the familiar feeling going from the bottom of his spine to the top of his head as it let out a hot, vibrating effect all of over his head.

Sandeul stood up, taking Seokjin's hand as the younger sat.

"I know you can't let it go right in front of me. I know you can't say everything to me." Sandeul gave a smile. "But atleast talk to your members."

He bent to peck Seokjin's head, on his hair. "It'll help, trust your hyung."