bts pt.2 // kim seokjin //

scene 39

"What's all this hyung?"

Seokjin exhaled, not making eye contact with those younger than him. "Well," he started. "I decided that, none of this will work."

Two things painted in different members. Shock and confusion. What did he mean, none of this will work?

Jimin sat forward, "What are you trying to say hyung?" He saidz voicing out the thoughts of the others.

With a sigh, Seokjin looked up. "None of this will work, if you don't know everything." He admitted lowly.

"So you're still hiding something?" Yoongi scoffed, crossing his arms as he leant back.

Namjoon eyed the older, "Let him explain hyung." He said, patting Yoongi's thigh. He turned towards the eldest, nodding his head.

Seokjin coughed. "I didn't think it was that important–"

"Now that's just bullshit."

"Taehyung-ah!" Jimin scolded his friend beside him, nudging his side.

Before a quarrel can break loose, Jungkook asked, "Why are you hiding it hyung?"

"Like I said, I didn't think it's important." He shrugged as he looked down from Taehyung's sudden statement. "I thought it was just a minor detail, something that you might think isn't important."

He looked up and eyed his members before looking at the all too familiar board on the coffee table. "But I'm here now, I'll tell you."

Seokjin reached forward, aware of the looks his dongsaengs were giving him. He held the edge of the board, slowly flipping it only to see the back of the board, filled with a variety of green sticky notes.

Seokjin exhaled, not realizing he has been holding his breath as he revealed what was behind the board. Sitting back, he let the others lean forward to examine.

Hoseok looked up, "What are these hyung?"

Seokjin sighed. "Notes. Notes that I had taken months ago, whenever I was alone in here." He said, not giving them a glance.

"I-I decided to use that as a better coping methof. To release my feelings you know." He muttered, scratching the back of his neck. "'Cause the last one was pretty. . . messy."

Hoseok flinched at the memory of his hyung's red scars when his sleeves were rolled up.

Seokjin slowly looked up, observing them as they read each note, their eyebrows furrowing from time to time.

"Most of those doesn't really make sense," Seokjin admitted, not wanting to explain any confusing note there is. "Sometimes it's detailed, sometimes it's fuzzy. I let my mind speak for myself."

They were silent at first.

"You did it at your neck?"

Seokjin's head snapped towards Namjoon, whose eyes were trailing a note. He knew exactly what he was talking about. "Remember that time when I often wore turtle necks and chose only one noona to style my hair?"

Their leader nodded.

"That's why."

Each one of them saw the first notes that were written for them. They flinched, not only by how detailed their hyung explained what he felt during those times, but also by how they reacted to the situation or what they did at that time. To say, they felt guilty and ashamed.

Seokjin took note of their expressions before letting out a loud sigh. "That all happened for just a month. I didn't continue it since, it wasn't really a good coping device." His voice trailed as he played with his finger nails. "It was helpful, but my mind just kept going back to square one. I was so down, if I were to describe it, that I believed I can't get better. So, at that time, I planned about taking my life after the last note."