My Parents are Gay

Are You Serious?

Narrator's POV

"Oliver. Let's go. We don't want to be late." Stephen called them from upstairs

Peter walked by, grabbing keys off the table, which Tony quickly snatched.

"Slow down Charlotte." Tony said, taking a bite from a donut.

"If I want to get some practice shouldn't I drive every chance I get?" Peter asked.

"Uh, not while we're all in the car." Stephen said, picking Oliver up.

"Yeah, you can't even reach the pedals." Tony said.

Oliver laughed. "Peter's so short."

Peter looked at Oliver. "What are you talking about? You're shorter than me."

"I called you out first." Oliver said.

"Okay, okay kids." Tony got in between Peter and Oliver. "Extra Small's got Merlin on his side, my money's on him." Tony said, looking at Oliver sitting on Stephen's shoulders.

"Let's go!" Oliver yanked Stephen's hair.

"Ow. Okay, stop." Stephen said, grabbing Oliver and putting him down.

"Look who's short now." Peter snickered.

"Mph!" Oliver kicked him in the shin.

Stephen gasped. "Oliver." He looked over at Tony. "Stark, look what your son has provoked."

"Oh, so when Peter does something bad he's my son, but when he gets valedictorian; he's our son?" Tony asked.

"Do not go there Anthony or-"

"Let's go. Hit me with your best shot, I'll hit you with mine. Hold my donut Peter." He threw his hollow fried dough circle to Peter.

"Oh what are you going to do? Tickle me to death?" Stephen said.

"That's it!" Tony jumped on Stephen. "I've had it with your short jokes. You mother-" Tony looked back at Peter and Oliver. "...fricker." He said.

Oliver walked over to Peter and stood next to him. They stared at their dads, who were both on the ground; wrestling each other.

"They're worse than us." Oliver said.

"I know." Peter answered.

They continued to watch.

///0///0

"Now we're going to be late." Stephen said as he buckled his seatbelt. "Thanks Anthony." He pulled down the sun blocker and looked into the little mirror. He had a cut running up and down his left eyebrow.

"Oh this is my fault?" Tony looked at Stephen.

"Yes. You obviously started this." Stephen looked at Tony.

"I'm ready for round two whenever you-"

"Okay Dads. Calm. Caaaaaalllmmmmmmm." Peter said, coming between his dads. "We don't need a fight in the car. What we need to do is get on the road." Peter said.

"If you want to get on the road so badly, by don't you drive Peter?" Tony asked.

Stephen shot a glare at Tony.

"I mean. If you insist-"

"Absolutely not." Stephen said. He undid his seatbelt. "Get out of the driver's seat. I'm driving." Stephen said.

"Oh sure. Let the one who almost killed himself in a car accident drive." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Oof." Peter said.

Stephen looked at Tony. Offended was the only thing you could read in Stephen's face. "Oh. My. God."

///0///0

"We might actually make it there on time." Stephen said, looking at the time on the radio.

Everyone in the car was quiet. Peter was looking out the window. Tony was staring ahead at the road with his arms crossed and his sunglasses on. Oliver was sound asleep in his car seat.

"I don't understand why you couldn't use your sling ring." Tony mumbled.

"Uh, because I want to feel a little normal for once." Stephen said.

"Psh." Tony slapped Stephen's arm, causing the stirring wheel to move to the left, making them go onto the other side of the road.

"Tony. Stop." Stephen said.

Tony did it again, laughing a little this time.

"Do you want me to swerve this car?" Stephen asked.

Peter picked his head up a little.

Tony pushed Stephen's arm again, this time making the car go on the wrong road. Another car was coming.

"Ah!" Stephen gasped.

"GAH!" Tony screamed.

Stephen quickly pulled the stirring wheel to the right, making the car swerve to the right heading for a tree. He casted a shield in front of Peter and Oliver, then another in front of the car.

CRASH

The car horn was going off. Oliver was crying. Peter coughed. He went over to comfort his little brother. "It's okay Oliver. You're okay."

Stephen picked his head up from the white air bag, gasping. He looked at Oliver and Peter. "Are you okay? Is anyone hurt?" He asked.

"We're fine Dad." Peter said. "Oliver just got scared. And you?" Peter asked.

"I'm-Ah." Stephen felt pain in his left leg. "I think I fractured my leg."

"Ow! Ow! Ah!" Was heard from Tony. He took in a deep breath. "Aaaaaah!" He let out.

"Iron Dad, are you okay?" Peter asked.

"Tony. Tony. Are you okay?" Stephen said, growing very worried for his husband now. "Tony. Talk to me."

"I-I..." Tony put the fingertips from his right hand up to his lips. "I think I bit my lip." He said.

Stephen took in a deep breath and let his head fall back, rolling his eyes. "I swear to god..." He said quietly.

"Doctor Dad, calm down." Peter said.

"GODDAMN IT TONY!" Stephen shouted, hitting the airbag. He looked at the airbag, and gripped it. "Argh! Urgh! Hah!" Stephen ripped the bag up to shreds. He panted when he was done.

Everyone was staring at him wide eyed.

"Okay." Tony spoke. "Now that you've had your little tantrum-"

"I'm gonna kill you." Stephen gripped Tony by the throat and began to shake him. "I'm gonna kill you." He looked at Peter. "I'm gonna kill him." He turned back to Tony.

///0///0

"Oh my poor baby." Tony whined as the tow truck towed his car away.

Stephen was holding Oliver in his arms, and Peter stood next to him. They all watched the truck take Tony's car away, till it was no longer in sight. Then they all stared at Tony.

He looked at them. "Ye-"

"What were you thinking?!" Stephen smacked Tony in the back of the head.