Try {Emerson Barrett}

8

Emerson stood there as his brother walked away, he knew he had to say something to save their relationship, even if that meant sharing the one thing that could tear it apart, he had to try right? "I'm broken Remington" the pain in his voice made the other man stop in his tracks and turn to his brother. There was only pain behind his eyes, Remington couldn't even tell his eye colour because of all the pain that was clouding his eyes. Now that Emerson had Remington's attention, he spoke more, "I'm broken, so fucking broken! I'm barely even the man I was. Damn, I don't even know what the skin of my arms looks like anymore, there isn't any left visible. The pain has been too much.

I know you're going to shout, leave and disown me as your brother. You're stronger than me, you hit rock bottom and climbed back up. I just stayed here. I thought Maisie was helping me find a better way up, but in the end, she was digging the hole deeper. I'm broken to the point I don't even remember being whole anymore, and I'm so tired. Tired of feeling like I'm too weak to be your brother, tired of cutting my skin to an unrecognisable mess. Tired of being Emerson Barrett Kropp, the guy that was too stupid to realise his girlfriend had been cheating on him since he had gotten with her; most of all I'm tired of the nightmares.

She's haunting my dreams. She still controls me, and I'm tired of it. I can't stop her. She might not be in my life, but she's a permanent fixture in my nightmare. The nightmare where she torments me and literally crushes my heart once again."

Remington stood there in shock, he didn't know what to do, this was the most Emerson had said uninterrupted in a very long time, but most of all he had told him how broken he was. He had gotten what he wanted, he wanted to know, but the knowledge was a heavy weight on his chest. Prior to Emerson's outburst and him knowing how Emerson was feeling, he would have said the knowledge would be a feeling of relief on his heart. It wasn't.

The knowledge of what his brother was going through silently pained him to no end, he felt like he had neglected his own brother, any good brother would know what was going on in their sibling's mind not be completely clueless. And that's what he was, Clueless. He didn't know his brother, not anymore.

Emerson was still looking at his brother, pain evident in his features and he slowly pulled off his long sleeve shirt to reveal the damage he had inflicted upon his own skin. He looked away to avoid witnessing his brother's reaction to the secret he had been hiding for over eight months. After Emerson heard his brother's sharp intake of breath he wanted to cover his arms and pretend this had never happened, but his secret was out in the open now.

Emerson closed his eyes as he felt his brother's calloused finger trace the lines that were permanently scarred on the drummer's arms. "Why?" Remington's pained voice forced the younger man to open his eyes. He didn't want to, but he felt like he needed to console his brother, and the only way to do that was to look him in the eyes and answer his questions.

"I'm not good at dealing with the pain," Emerson traced one of the deeper cuts from a month ago and stared at the scattered lines all over his forearms, biceps and shoulders. "Yes you're right, Maisie broke me and she still is continuing to do so, but she's winning. I've reached a point where I don't care about the consequences of cutting too deep. I know that's really not something I should tell you, but I can't help it. You're my brother" The last three words made Remington wince, not too long ago the words had left his mouth, but there was malice under his words, yet with Emerson's, there was just pain.

"I know I've been a shitty brother over the last few months, and sometimes all I wanted to do was speak to you, tell you about the nightmares, about the scars that were appearing because of my actions, but then I would have another nightmare, and Maisie would tell me that she's slept with you, and I would shut down. I know you would never sleep with her, but it's a battle with my own subconscious and I'm losing"