finding my way

"Honey you've been in your room for three days now.. do you wanna talk? is something wrong?"

my mom has herself worried sick about me and three days ago I would've cared. three days ago I would've opened my door let her in and tell her everything. Not now. now I just don't have the energy.

I wouldn't have the words to explain what happened anyways, so what's the point.

I've been locked away from the outside world for three days. no school. no friends around. nothing.

I'm not sure if anyone tried texting or calling me. about an hour after all hell broke loose I turned my phone off because I didn't want to hear anyone else issues or celebrations I just wanted to be alone.

"I'm fine mom. just tired." I called back to her. " Jess it's been three days.. you aren't tired, you're depressed."

I didn't answer she was right. I just laid there on my bed curled up and drifted into sleep.

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After sleeping for a few hours I decided to just get up, get dressed and let it go. a shower never felt so refreshing.

"Hey sunshine!" mom was downstairs making biscuits and bacon when I walked down the stairs. "hi.." I not so cheerfully answered.

"Listen honey, I want you to know that you can talk to me if something's wrong.." she says as she hands me a plate full of food.

"I know" simply stated but hopefully will keep her content.

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People annoy the shit out of me.

I don't know why I agreed and told my mom I wouldn't mind going to the store for her, but I'm regretting it tremendously!

People around me are all in their own little world and its driving me crazy. one mom with four kids is letting her nine year old push the cart and the kid keeps freeking running into me! God people! control your kids! you had the sex you get the baby!

I'm kinda moody if you haven't noticed.. but in my defense it's been a rough week.

"Uh hey Jess.." oh no oh hell no please.. why me..why?

I turn around to face him I'd compleat lay forgotten he got a job here about two weeks ago. "hey Peter." I said with the best voice I could muster.

"What's up? how've you been?" he ask getting slightly chocked up. "uh I've been better honestly. but I'm ok. how are you?" I say glancing at his name tag on his uniform, avoiding eye contact mostly.

"Well big shock even on your worst days you still are the most beautiful girl." his whole face turns red and he quickly apologizes, embarrassed for speaking his thoughts. why did I break things off? he was so good to me. I should leave now to rid him of the awkwardness. "I should go Peter. it was nice to see you again" I said before giving him a quick hug.

As I sit in my car i realize I should've never left my bed today.