finding my way

Gliding the butter across my pancakes I ask jake and John what they would like to do on our special day. John can hardly speak but jake couldn't stop jabbering about. after breakfast we load up in my car I move their car seats over from moms car into mine.

After finally arriving at the petting zoo the boys can't stop giggling looking at all the little animals. I get a stroller for little John and we three head towards the goats.

***
"Was that fun?" I ask jake as we are getting back into the car. "dat was awesome" he says I can hear him smiling as he's talking. John fell asleep after the first thirty minutes but jake was wide awake and full of energy running from pin to pin to see all the animals.

"Where do you wanna eat? your choice" I ask jake
"Um chickfula!"

"Ok you can go play For a little while" I say as he stares longingly at the play area. John is still asleep as I'm holding him. people are giving me weird looks like I'm Teen mom when in reality I'm just their big sister.
"Jess?" I hear the voice I've been avoiding.
As I look away from the menu and to the cashier I see him looking right at me.
Jason. since when does he work here?
"Hi"
I know that's rude but after everything that he did he's lucky I said anything.
"We need to talk" he says
"I tried talking with you but it didn't change anything" I say looking down at baby John who's slowly coming too. "I get off in twenty minutes please can we talk then?" I don't know what to say. should I give him a chance to explain everything? some how I only ever end up with more questions. but this could be the closure I need to move on and let it all go. "just come to my house in an hour I don't want the boys to have to deal with this." after he agrees and takes my order I go get jake and we sit down to eat. jakes talking about the zoo but I only hear jumbled up words my mind is far away thinking about what's going to happen in the next hour.