𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐞 ~ 𝐱𝐱𝐱

𝔡𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔥𝔲𝔯𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣...

•Velani POV•

I wake up to soft sounds, and I listen closely confused. I realised it's a female's moans, but I guess I'm staying with a couple so this is something I'll have to get used to. I look down and see Jahseh , peacefully sleeping.

I tilt forward a little to see his face, since his back was facing me. I lay there and admire him , his tattoos, his eyebrows and lashes, his lips everything was absolutely perfect. Just sitting here I take in what I have, and realise what I really need and my love for Jahseh became more and more , obvious.

I always craved his attention and love even on days where I feel he's wronged me some how, or some way. I feel like I need him, but at the same time I don't want to be so...well, dependant.

I want to learn my worth, but at the same time i want to love Jahseh to the absolute fullest. But i constantly question my love for myself, but my love for Jahseh is unquestionable. I don't feel confused or puzzled in our un-titled relationship. I truly love and appreciate him for everything that he's given me, and I don't want him to leave anytime soon.

My thoughts are interrupted by movements of the bed and groaning, and I soon realised Jahseh waking up. He sits up a little , rubs his eyes and then lays down again without turning around to look at me. All he was doing was staring into space. Creepily..

"Jah" I say wondering if he remembered I'm right next to him. I get no answer and I slowly begin to get scared, don't ask me why i did but I just felt... scared. I slowly get up and attempt to get out of bed , and I feel a sudden grab on my wrist making me startle.

This grip became tighter and tighter by the second causing my wrist pain. "Jahseh STOPP, it hurts." I begin to moan. He sits up and sits in front of me, not breaking eye contact with me. This isn't him. This isn't something he'd do. What's causing him to suddenly act this way.

I relax realising the fact that I may not be speaking to Jahseh right now. I look at him in the eyes and breath in slowly realising it as a way of calming myself. "Who's this?" I look into his eyes and realised that his eyes where darker than usual. "Heroin." he answered, his voice was deeper than usual, kinda scaring me even more.

"Nice to meet you Heroin. I'm sure Jahseh has told you about me. Can you let go of my wrist, you hurting me.." he takes a deep breath and let's go. Grabbing his head after that. He begins to groan in pain. "Argghhh!" , "Are you okay?" I slowly reach to him and he grabs my waist and pins me down. His grip (like my wrist), got tighter and tighter everytime he took a breath.

My arms are over my head and my fists are balled , I tried not to hurt him realising this wasn't Jahseh. He looks at my wrist and looks back at me, and immediately let's go. When he does this I'm out of breath, and I realise that I held my breath through that. He got up and sat on the ground with his head in his hands.

I slowly walk up to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, realising that Heroin had left. "I'm so sorry" he said, I realised that he was crying. I walk around him sitting in front. "Jahseh it's okay. This isn't your fault..okay." I hate seeing him like this.

I love him more than anything, I don't want him to hurt himself about this. I go into the bathroom in his room and look into the draw, and see a bunch of sharp objects, things that he could use to harm himself. I immediately threw all of these things in the bin.

I take the bin bag out the bin and hold it in my hand. I walk out the bathroom in Jahs room and he looks at me as I walk past him to get to the door. "Whatchu doing with that bag?" i shake my head and attempt to walk out. But he grabs my wrist, that same wrist. "Agh, fuck Jahseh!" i squeal a little making him let go fast.

"is that what I did to you babe?" My wrist was all bruised up because of what Heroin did to me. I scratch my head and slightly nodded, "Jahseh I swear it isn't bad , it just hurts a little. It's okay it's not your fault. A little ice will fix it" I try my best to re assure him that I'm okay, and that's there's nothing to be worried about at all.

He breaths in and breaths out and shoots his eyes at the bin bag, seeing a blade poking out from the side creating a hole. "Whatchu doing with my blades?" he looked at me coldly. "I- uh Jahseh I just wanted to help. I thought in the mindset you're in right now, doing this for you may...you know help you. I feel like it'll prevent you from hurting yourself further. I didn't mean to invade in your private possessions but I want you to realise that I feel like it's my responsibility to take care of you. And if I have to hurt myself doing that, then so be it."

I looked at him deep in his eyes, waiting for an answer. He finally breaks "thankyou" he lightly smirks at me and let's me walk out the door. I'm happy that went successfully. I walk down the stairs and I feel the door open. I see Armani's head pop out Stokeleys door. "Y'all are loud as shit" I say with a giggle. She gasps and let's out a nervous laugh , "I am so sorry. Shit"

"Sis it's fine, get your di-" i was interrupted by hearing Jahseh's door open. "Hey Marni" he said as he smiled over at her "hey Jah" he gets pasts me and walks down the stairs. I stand at the top of the stairs and itch my head whilst Armani was still outside her door. "Jesus Christ, what's that on your wrist?" shit! "Sis it's nothing it's literally bruising from my tight ass hair bands" i say relaxed , so it really seemed like it was nothing.

"Oh okay" she said. She sounded kinda relieved, what was she thinking?