Spookyness

PP: Bad Dream ~ Buried ~ Clown Statue

Okay so while searching for something to scare you, I found some...parodys of some classic scary stories. They are like a Russian version I guess? Like in america we have out version of Bloody Mary, but over in Russia they have Bloody Olga (Sorry if that is a bit rasist? I have nothing against Russians!)

So, that is what this chapter is. The original story and then the Russian version. Enjoy!

*Credit to FlyingLawnmowers on reddit for the Russian version*

“Daddy, I had a bad dream.” You blink your eyes and pull up on your elbows. Your clock glows red in the darkness—it’s 3:23.

“Do you want to climb into bed and tell me about it?”

“No, Daddy.”

The oddness of the situation wakes you up more fully. You can barely make out your daughter’s pale form in the darkness of your room.

“Why not sweetie?”

“Because in my dream, when I told you about the dream, the thing wearing Mommy’s skin sat up.” For a moment, you feel paralyzed; you can’t take your eyes off of your daughter. The covers behind you begin to shift.

Russian Version:

"Father, I had a bad dream"

You take a sip of vodka and roll over. You stare at the clocktower on Sobornaya Square it's 3:23. "Go back to sleep, there is work tomorrow." "No, Father." The familiar warm buzz of vodka starts to sink in. You can barely make out your daughter's pale form in the darkness. "Why is that, devochka moya?" "Because in my dream, when I was about to go back to sleep, the thing wearing Mother's skin sat up." You pause, and face your daughter and look at her intensely. The figure behind you begins to stir.

"Don't talk that way about your brother, it is not his fault we have no money for coats. Such is life in Moscow."

Buried

*Credit to That_One_Austrailian onreddit*

Normal Version:

Back in the 1900s, people used to have pipes leading from the coffin up, incase someone was accidentally buried alive.

One day while the groundskeeper is making his rounds he hears a woman call.

He asks, "Sara Drensh?"

"Yes!" The frantic woman calls.

"Born Febuary 1932?"

"Yes!"

"I'm sorry ma'am. It says you died in August, It is December. Whatever you is, you ain't coming out." Then he filled the pipe with dirt.

Russian Version:

In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet he does not die. When buried yells for undertaker and rings bell. Is no wind.

Undertaker says "Are you Lady Gorbochev?"

Voice says "Da!"

"Born of winter 1927?"

"Da!"

"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February 1957'?"

"Neit, am still living!"

"Am sorry, is August. In June ground thaw. You must wait for June."

And woman is true Soviet, waits for June.

Clown Statue

*Credit to Snwo on reddit for Russian version*

Normal version:

A couple with children were trying out a new babysitter. About an hour after they left for a night on the town, they realized they had forgotten to give her their cell phone number, so one of them called her. After she wrote down the number, the babysitter asked if she could watch satellite TV in their bedroom. She had just put the children to bed and wanted to watch a particular show. (The parents didn't want their children watching too much garbage, so the living room TV did not have satellite channels.) Well of course she could watch TV in their room, they replied. The babysitter had one other request: could she put a sheet or blanket over the clown statue that was in the bedroom? It kind of made her nervous. "Take the children and go to the neighbors," said whichever parent was talking to her. "We'll call the police. We don't have a clown statue."

Russian version:

"Mother and Father want to go out and buy vodka. However there is no one to look after the children. They call most trusted babysitter. After babysitter puts children to bed she asks can she read Marx in parents bedroom as it is the only room with lighting so children do not stay up all night reading Marx. Parents say yes. Babysitter asks can she cover statue of Putin. Parents tell babysitter to get out with children. They do not have a statue of Putin. Parents arrive home to find babysitter and children killed by KGB. Parents are then arrested and executed by militia for not having statue of Putin. Such is life in Russia."

.

This one isn't like the few above, but it's still kind of a parody:

One time the parents went out to dinner. The sitter called the parents to ask if she could watch tv in their room, and if she could cover up the clown statue.

The dad said, "Get out of the house, we don't have a clown statue!"

By the time the police came, they found out that they did have a clown statue, and the dad had Alzheimer's.