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"no one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." - C.S. Lewis ~
lynn
Darry and Sodapop both volunteered to watch Gabe for the times being I needed to go to work and there was no one to watch him. I had no choice but to take the offer, so they mismatch days off and I feel terrible for interfering with their work schedule. Of course they say I shouldn't worry about it, but I can't help it. I'm worrying about everything. My anxiety has caused me not to eat since Dallas was shot.
I've visited him everyday after work, to see if there was even the slightest bit of good news but there wasn't. He's in the same condition as he was 5 days ago, just a waiting game to see when or if he wakes up. All my hope is nearly lost and so is the light in my life. Everything is just routine and depressing; I go to work, visit Dallas, pick up my kid, then go to bed. Its been the same for coming up 6 days now. But it feels like 6 weeks.
Straight off of work I went to pick up Gabe, he's been mute and noticed I haven't been myself. Or anyone for that matter. Even he isn't himself. He's asked about Dallas, I told him he was sick. Then he asked to see him, and I said no but he began to cry. I didn't want my child to see the sight my heart aches to even think about, but I've thought about it and maybe he needs to know the truth just as everyone else does. He doesn't know Dallas was shot, he just thinks he's really sick. That's what I'll keep telling him, but by his own request I decided I'll take him to at least see Dal.
I knocked on the door and there was Darry, a bit confused to see me earlier than usual. "Didn't go to the hospital this time...?"
"No, I'm on my way there." I sighed, "Gabe's been saying he wants to see Dal, and I decided what's keeping me from letting him? Dallas is a bigger part in Gabe's life than he is mine, the least I can do is grant my son's wishes."
Darry nodded, letting me in as he got Gabe. I stepped inside and there he was, eating crackers and watching Mickey Mouse. Darry bent down and tapped him on the shoulder, "Momma's here, bud."
Gabe looked over and stood up, walking over to me and giving my leg a hug. I bent slightly down to "hug" him back then picked him up, "Thanks Darry, I can't thank you enough."
"No problem, Lynn." Darry replied
I left the house and strapped Gabe into his car seat. I didn't know how Gabe would react, or if this was even a good idea in the first place. The world is a cruel place, and as much as I want to I can't run away from it. And I want to teach the same to my son.
We arrived at the hospital, and as I was getting Gabe out of the backseat I gave him instruction. "This isn't a playground, alright? You either hold my hand or I hold you, okay?"
