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"from the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate." - Socrates ~
dallas
I don't feel anything. I can't move anything, but it feels like there's nothing to move. It's like I'm floating in open space. I didn't open my eyes, but my vision came into view. My eyes fixated so I could see my surroundings; what looked like a line of visitor's booths in a prison. Aw fuck, did I get arrested again? But for what? At this point do I even need a reason?
I looked around, the feeling of complete vulnerability didn't disappear, it wasn't numbness. I just simply wasn't there. I didn't exist. It was like a dream, but everything was so clear and vivid it couldn't have been.
The sound of the door opening caught my attention, I looked over and saw a tan skinned girl with short, black hair. She looked stressed, damaged. She was scrawny, her facial features telling me the stress aged her faster than the years did. As I took a closer look I noticed that I recognized those same facial features. It was Lynn. And if it wasn't, then it sure was a very closely related woman. It just made me wonder, where was I? How much time has gone by?
She took a seat at one of the booths, setting her bag down. She sighed and fixated herself, I could sense anxiety and slight fear radiating off of her. A boy came into view on the other side of the window, he didn't look pleased. He was young, maybe my age. Or what my age was the last time I checked. He had similar features as Lynn, but the other ones I hardly recognized. Maybe from an old familiar face I've once forgotten. He took a seat, looking at Lynn with a glare that could kill.
She calmly picked up the phone, her legs trembling under the booth. He too grabbed the phone on his side, displeased with his current situation. He was the first to speak, "What do you want, bitch?"
Lynn winced at the words that came from his mouth, however she remained calm and came off very elegant. Her aura was delicate, I could see she was slowly crumbling with every harsh word. "I wanted to see you." she said in a very quiet, hardly audible tone
"Why? Wanted to see me behind bars? Well you didn't want to see me when I was being abused in a foster home while you were getting fucked and couch hopping various rich guys." he spat
"Gabe-"
"It's Gabriel. I thought you would know that by now." he interrupted
"Gabriel." she corrected herself, "I don't know how many times I have to tell you I've changed and I'm sorr-"
"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it!" he screamed. Lynn jumped a bit, I couldn't believe what I was watching. It was Gabe. That sweet, quiet, docile little boy who only cried when he wanted pop. He kept yelling, "You were a drunk! How can I forgive someone who cared more about drugs and alcohol and sex than their own kid!?"
"Gabriel, I did care about you!" Lynn fought back
Gabe laughed, "Not enough you did. Or else CPS wouldn't have had to take me away from you when I was fucking 4 years old. Then you made no effort to get me back, I wasn't adopted until I was 7 and even then you made no effort in even contacting me!"
Lynn got mad, "You don't know the whole story, Gabe!"
"So you're telling me my parents lied to me when they told me you were in and out of rehab my whole life? Arrested for prostitution, public intoxication, DUI, child endangerment? And now you're back to mooching off of some other sad sack rich guy and want to come back into my life when I'm 18 fucking years old?! Are you kidding me!?" he shouted
The prison guards had to calm him down but Lynn was crying by now, "If you would just let me explain what happened, Gabriel, maybe you can understand. I was your age and you were already one! Your father past away and I lost myse-"
"He wasn't my Goddamn Dad! He was a criminal you were in love with and when he died you just decided to give up your life and your kid!" Gabe objected
"He was the closest thing you ever had to a real father and he fucking cared about you! He died for you, Gabriel!" Lynn cried
"Oh so that's what's wrong? The 'love of your life' died and you blame it on me so I'm the bad person?" Gabe scoffed
Lynn shook her head, "No , Gabriel, that's not what I meant."
"Oh shut your trap for once you bitch. In my eyes you're a drunk prostitute, okay? You may be sober now but it just shows me how much you really truly didn't care. If you cared, you would've straightened up, got a real job, maybe introduced me to your family or at least someone I could have turned to but no you're a selfish fucking hermit who tears her away from her own family and friends and lets herself rot without thinking about consequences. You stopped caring about me when I was 2. I was taken away when I was 4 and abused until I was 7 and you didn't even think to contact me until I was 16. Wow. Well let me tell you for the last time, it's too late to think about this one." he hissed
"I love you, Gabriel! You think a mother wouldn't love her son!?" Lynn cried
He shook his head and cursed through bared teeth, "You're not my mom, and I'm not your son. You established that for yourself when you decided to let me go."
"You're the only reason I stayed alive." Lynn sobbed
Gabe shrugged, "Maybe you would've been better off dying then."
Gabe slammed the phone back onto the wall and the prison guards took him away. Lynn continued to sob, gripping onto the phone like it was her last hope. She hid her head in her arms and laid them on the booth table. Her whole body was trembling, I just wished with all my heart and body I could reach out to her and fix everything that happened. But I couldn't. I was dead.
I looked down and there was my body, exactly how I remembered it. A large red spot appeared on my white shirt, growing exponentially in size causing me to panic. It was exactly the last thing I saw before I ended up here, I really did start to panic. I couldn't die, not like this. I can't leave Lynn. I can't leave Gabe. I looked back up and my vision started to fade away. I tried to scream but it helped nothing, soon everything went black and I was back to not feeling anything. Not existing. But for once in my entire life I wanted to exist.
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