Gracie Rose | tracy beaker returns {on hiatus}

8

GRACIE'S POV

"Why? What have I done wrong" I asked. I was sat in the office with Tracy and Mike, who were telling me that we needed to see a doctor. Tracy was holding my hand.

"You've done nothing wrong," Mike said. "It's just, Tracy was worried a while back about you. Your nerves around her were apparent and, after your panic attack yesterday, we feel it's best to see if there's anything we can do to help you. It's not your fault, you're not in any trouble, we just want to help you."

"So, who's idea was this?" I asked. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't want to see a doctor. Nothing was wrong with me. I didn't understand why Mike and Tracy thought this was a good idea.

"It was mine." Tracy admitted. Really? Why would Tracy do this? She was meant to understand me. "I'm sorry, I knew you wouldn't like the thought of it. I was just worried about you. I am worried. I just want you to have as much support as you can get because you deserve that."

"But I don't need to see anyone!" I snapped. I let go of her hand and stood up. "I thought you understood me, but obviously not."

"Gracie, I'm sorry, I—," Tracy started.

"No, I don't want to hear it. I can't see a doctor and I'm not going to. I can't believe you even thought about this! Forget it, I'm not going and I don't want to speak to you. I hate you both!" I screamed. I ran out of the office and slammed the door, running past Toby and Johnny who were walking towards the office.

I slammed my bedroom door shut and stopped in my tracks. I'd just told Tracy and Mike that I hated them. But that wasn't true. It really, really wasn't. I just didn't want to see a doctor and completely blew the whole situation out of proportion. I looked over at my chest of drawers, where the plaque Tracy got me was sitting. It killed me inside. I just wanted to go downstairs and apologise, but I knew it was too late.

MIKE'S POV

"I knew it was a bad idea," Tracy said sadly.

"Hey, it wasn't. It does need to happen eventually. She's just obviously not quite ready." I replied.

"Mike, she hates us." Tracy started. I watched her eyes fill up with tears and her body start to shake. "I've done so much for her and she doesn't even care."

"She doesn't hate us, Trace. She's just unsettled. She won't have meant it I promise." I said. The more I spoke, the more upset Tracy got. I reached out and she ran into my arms.

"Don't worry. She loves us really. Go and talk to her." I said. I wiped a few tears that escaped from her eyes and let her go upstairs. I knew she was petrified, but no matter how much she said she didn't, Gracie needed her. It seemed like I was the only one that knew that.

TRACY'S POV

I knocked on Gracie's door gently, but all I got back was, "GO AWAY!"

I sat down against the wall outside the door and basically begged her for a bit.

"Gracie, please can we just talk about it?"

"No! I don't want to talk to you. I'm not doing it!" she replied. Every time she said something like that to me, I felt myself getting more and more upset.

"You don't have to go to the doctors, I just want to talk!" I said.

"I don't want to talk to you, Tracy. What do you not understand?" Gracie shouted. She sounded angry, not upset, just angry. I knew I wouldn't be able to speak to her, so I just sat in the staff bedroom, where I could let everything out.

GRACIE'S POV

I heard Tracy leave me alone and head off somewhere else, so I knew I was safe. I felt terrible for shouting at her and for being rude, but I didn't know what to do. Even though it seemed like it, I just wanted her to know that I didn't hate her, but I didn't know how to say that. I cried for about an hour straight, until I felt like I couldn't cry anymore. I started to lose my breath, just like I did when I had the panic attack. I started to worry about that, and what had been going on, and that I was all alone with no one to help me, because I pushed those who meant the most to me away. I couldn't see, I could hardly hear, my legs gave way when I tried to stand, and with all the breath I had left, I screamed.

*****

I woke up in the exact same place; on my bedroom floor, however I woke up in Tracy's arms, sitting up against the wall. She'd obviously heard my scream. She was very gently stroking my head, but I could feel her hands shaking uncontrollably on my body. I suddenly realised. This was why I needed to see a doctor. I couldn't believe Tracy was even here after what I said to her, but it just showed me how much she cared about me. I slowly moved my hand and started stroking her knee, and she quickly sat up more. It was like she was about to fall asleep or something.

"Gracie...?" she whispered. "Are you okay?"

I opened my eyes slowly and looked up at Tracy. Her eyes were all red and puffy, so I knew she'd been crying, and when she looked down at me, a couple of tears fell from her cheeks onto my head.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I didn't mean a word I said to you. I regretted it from the moment I said it. I don't hate you, in fact it's the complete opposite. Please don't think I do. I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me." Tracy shook her head.

"No, I'm sorry. I knew you wouldn't like the idea of going to see a doctor, and I shouldn't have said anything." she said.

"Actually, I now understand where you're coming from. I do need help. As long as you come with me, I'll do it." I replied.

"Really?" Tracy asked. I nodded. I snuggled into Tracy's arms more, because I felt like there was no bad blood between us anymore.

"Why did you come to find me?" I asked.

"I was crying my eyes out in the staff bedroom because I was worried about you, and I thought you hated me. Then I heard you scream. I ran here to find the door still shut, and you were unresponsive when I called your name, so I came in and found you. You were lying motionless on the floor. It reminded me of yesterday." Tracy said, trying not to cry again, but it didn't work.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm okay. You're here, and I'm alive. Stop worrying. I'm sorry I keep scaring you like this. I can't seem to understand why this keeps happening, and to be honest, I don't know why you're still putting up with me. At this point, everyone normally just ignores me for a while. It makes me feel lonely, like I did at home, and then all the memories come flooding back." I said, trying to stop myself from crying.

"Oh, Gracie." Tracy said. "I'm never leaving you, I promise."

*****

ONE WEEK LATER

I slowly walked out of the doctor's office with Mike to see Tracy, who was sitting in the waiting room. She didn't want to come in with me in case she got upset, and Mike felt that it was necessary for him to come. Tracy stood up and wrapped her arms tightly around me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I will be," I said. "If you help me through the tough times of anxiety and PTSD."

Tracy sighed. Her heart must've sank when she found out.

"Of course I will. Just remember, they don't define you and you're still you. You're still the Gracie Reynolds that we all know and love. Don't worry, we're all on your side." Tracy whispered. She walked up to Mike, who gave her a hug also. It was a lot to take in, for all of us, but both Tracy and Mike knew I'd be okay. We all walked out of the doctor's together, Tracy cuddling me, and Mike holding onto us also.

"Will you be telling everyone else?" I asked.

"Well, Gina will need to know, and we will let everyone else know eventually, just so they know how to treat you and how not to treat you. Is that alright?" Mike questioned. I nodded my head and got into the car. Tracy got into the back with me, and she kept me close to her for the whole way home. I felt so different and so sad; all I wanted to do was go to bed, but it was only lunchtime. Tracy definitely noticed my sadness, so she tried to make me feel better.

"Come on, don't be sad. Everything's going to be fine. We will all help you through it. I promise." she said. I looked up at her and gently smiled, as she stroked my head until I fell asleep.