Gracie Rose | tracy beaker returns {on hiatus}

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Warning: Graphic descriptions of death, drug overuse, self-harm, anxiety and PTSD within the next few chapters.

If anyone has been affected by any of these issues, please read at your own risk, and if anyone needs someone to talk to, drop me a message.

THREE DAYS LATER

Thursday.

The past few days had gone extremely slowly. I hardly left my room. Mike brought me a hot chocolate up before bed and with pancakes at breakfast time, and although I didn't want to eat them, they lasted me for the day. Tracy would come in to check on me regularly, and I'd just pretend to be okay, but in reality, my arms were stinging in pain from the scratches, and I had so many spots of blood everywhere.

It was 10am, and we were leaving at quarter past. I couldn't be bothered to do much, so I just put on some jeans, a black top and my dad's jacket. I looked at my pale, tear stained face in the mirror, thinking of the good memories I had with my mum, and my dad. I was so glad they were being buried next to each other, where they were together forever, but it just killed me to know I didn't have any parents anymore. I pulled up my sleeves and grabbed the compass again. I didn't know what else to do. Nobody had noticed yet, but I was beginning to run out of forearm space, so I was unsure of what to do. I know, I shouldn't have done this, but it felt right. So, so right.

A couple of moments later, Tracy knocked on the door. I heard her say my name so I very quickly shoved my compass in my bag and pulled my sleeves down before opening the door.

"Are you ready?" she asked. I nodded my head.

"I'm so proud of you. I've got you through it all, okay?" Tracy whispered, pulling me close to her chest.

I wrapped my arms around her and felt a sharp pain go through both of them due to the cuts, but I couldn't scream or yelp in pain, so I just let the tears fall instead and let Tracy think it was because of Mum. It partly was, but also because of how stupid I was being, but it didn't stop me from having the urge to do it again.

"Thanks, Tracy," I replied. She wiped my eyes and took my hand, leading me downstairs to where Mike, Gina, Tee, Carmen and Lily were standing.

"You can do this, Gracie." Lily said, giving me a hug.

"Regardless of everything, your mum and dad love you." Carmen continued.

"It'll be over before you know it, babes." Gina said.

"Come on, let's go." Mike sighed, leading us all out to the car.

I sat in the middle of the back seats, with Tracy on one side of me, and Tee on the other. I held Tee's hand the whole way to the shops for flowers, and to the graves, while my head was on Tracy's shoulder while her arm was wrapped around me.

"We will grab a McDonald's on the way home to cheer you all up if you like?" Mike suggested. Tee rose to the question and got excited, while I stayed quiet, but to be fair, a McDonald's sounded great.

We arrived at the cemetery about 45 minutes later. I slowly got out of the car and got the two bunches of flowers out of the boot.

"You can do this, Gracie." Tee whispered. She gave me a hug before going to ask Mike where abouts the gravestones were. Tracy stayed with me, slowly walking towards the graves.

"I wonder whether they'd like the fact I've brought flowers. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't care, to be quite honest." I sighed.

"Are you being serious?" Tracy said. "They'd LOVE them. They love you, my darling."

"I wish." I muttered.

"Come on, let's just get this over and done with, shall we?" Tracy said, trying to comfort me with a little smile.