Eccedentasiast (A BBC Sherlock Fanfiction)

Twenty

On the outside, Elizabeth Hayes seemed like the perfect girl : She was smart, funny and beautiful, practically every man's dream girl and yet not. Because on the inside, Lizzie was broken. Her soul was in fractured pieces and her brilliant mind was a mess, wrapped in ribbon to hold it together. All her pieces and shards were hastily shoved back in place like a child's attempt to hide a broken vase. She tried to hide it, painting a glowing smile on her face, telling everyone she was fine, that there was no reason to be worried when in reality, just like a glass vase, each time she broke it became harder and harder to put her back together, the tenuous links tethering her to the ground threatening to snap at any given moment, releasing her mind to the darkness that threatened to swallow her whole.

    She met Ethan Ross when they were both twenty at the MI6 Science Division and from the moment they'd met, they had positively hated each other. The both of them worked under the supervision of Dr J. R. Shaw, a distinguished biochemist and engineer, well versed in the world of mentoring. Unfortunately for Ross and Hayes, he was a strong believer in using competition as a way to spur on his protégées. They were constantly pitted against each other, seeing each other as rivals and nothing more. It didn't help that the both of them were painfully awkward which came off as cold arrogance to most people. But this mutual contempt could only last so long. Everything broken is never truly healed.

The first time Ethan saw one of Lizzie's incidents was six months after they'd first met. Dr Shaw had set them two experiments, stating that the person to finish first would be able to come to the annual MI6 Science Conference, a series of lectures held by various prestigious scientists from all over the world. It would be a sure fire way of starting to rise through the ranks of the MI6 Science Division. Lizzie had walked past one of the surfaces causing a stray test tube to roll off the table and plummet to the ground. She watched in fascination as the glass shattered, not bothering to shield her face from the shards causing red pinpricks and scratches to form all over her hands and face. Ethan had simply continued to work, a smirk forming at the head start he was being given, sweeping past Hayes as she sank to her knees. He knew something was wrong when he looked up and she hadn't moved from her place on the floor. A bloodied hand was raised slightly as she looked at it with a morbid interest, breaths fast and eyes wide. He stood up from his place by the microscope slightly, foot scuffing the floor. It was as if that smallest of sounds had broke something inside of her, the tether holding her down to sanity had snapped once again.

Lizzie's eyes were screwed shut, fists clenched as she slipped further and further away from coherence. She shook slightly, forehead coated in a light sheen of sweat. It was as if the ground had been pulled out from underneath her and was replaced by a dizzying void. Her throat had closed in on herself and her breaths came in short, uneven, rasps.

"Hayes ?"
     
        Ethan watched the young woman in horror as her hands shook. He approached her carefully, eyes wide. He knelt in front of her, hands reaching out. Lizzie scrambled away from the contact, arms shielding her face. Ross let his arms hang limp by his signs.

"Hayes."

"Get out."

Ethan paused, the words had been half spoken and half choked. He stared at the young woman gasping for breath in front of him. He couldn't leave her like this.

"Hayes. Listen to me. You are safe. There is nothing to be afraid of. You will be ok. You just need to breathe."  He held out an open palm and waited.

Lizzie's eyes were still glazed over but gradually her breathing began to calm. Her arms moved away from her house and a shaking hand reached for the hand sitting in front of her. Ethan watched with bated breath but she showed no signs of dissolving into that state again. He released a breath before looking down at their entwined hands.

"When I was little, my mother used to make me cook dinner for the whole family whenever I dropped glass. That punishment was short-lived though, I was kicked out of the kitchen after my fifth pot of burnt pasta." He babbled aimlessly, talk ranging from stories about his university days of childhood, occasionally eliciting small smiles from Lizzie whose hand remained wrapped around his, long after she had returned to a calmer headspace.

It was impossible to return to how things were before now that he had seen her at her weakest. Out of destruction and ashes, a friendship was born. However being friends with Ethan Ross was a new experience for Lizzie. He could see through her walls, could tell that even though she said she was fine, she was anything but.

And was a frightening thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lizzie brushed past Ethan bristling with annoyance as he followed her into the next room.

"Are you sure you're alright ?"

Hayes turned to glare at her partner as he asked the same question for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day.

"I'm fine." She ground out sharply, grabbing a suitcase and starting to fill it with equipment. She shoved a handful of cables inside viciously before fumbling with the zipper. She turned around to put the suitcase away but stopped short when she saw Ethan's face.

"My God! Why is it so hard for you to accept that I am fine. Just back off, alright ?"

     Ethan looked momentarily taken aback at the harsh words but he raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Forgive me for being a concerned friend."

"There's a fine line between concerned and obsessive and you've just crossed it."

   Ethan turned away, eyes flashing with hurt and began to pack away the DNA tracer. Lizzie watched him with regret laden eyes before looking down.

"I'm sorry."  She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, placing a hand on his shoulder which he covered with his own.

"I get that you're just worried because it's been a while since I last had an incident. It just feels like you're treating me like a fragile object about to break at any moment and it gets in my nerves. Can you really blame me ?"

He turned towards her with a sad sigh.

"I care about you Liz and it's terrifying to see you when you're like that, and I am terrified that one day you will get lost in your mind and never come back the same, never recover properly."

She smiled softly, pulling him into a hug.

She blinked absentmindedly before pulling back slightly. She ran a thumb over his cheek before looking into his eyes.

"Thank you for caring. But I am fine. For now at least."

"Then that's all that matters."

Ethan pressed a kiss to her forehead before turning back to the equipment that needed to be packed away.

AN : I am so sorry for the long wait ! This chapter originally got deleted which cut off some of my motivation. But after exams next week I will be back to a (somewhat) normal updating schedule 🖤🖤🖤