Asleep or Dead (Frerard)

Chapter 2 (Gerard's POV)

I am honestly not shocked that Anthony died. I knew it was coming soon. Based on what I’ve heard from him and the staff of this hospital, he was near the end. I didn’t expect it to be this abrupt, but it happened anyway. I can only hope that he’s now at peace. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I felt sorry for him. He was an old man with a heart disease and Alzheimer’s. I couldn’t help myself but feel bad when he went on his nonsense rambling sprees and occasionally shat the bed. This may sound cold, but it’s kinda a relief that he’s gone. At least I don’t have to put up with the bad smell of him defecating on himself. I genuinely feel bad for the nursing techs that had to clean him up. I also feel bad for the ones that have to clean up after me, even though there’s nothing I could do about it. I’m in a coma, after all. I don’t know how it happened, but here I am, lying in a hospital bed and unsure if I’m yet to live or die. I’ve come very close to death a few times, but I would be resuscitated back to life. Why, though? I’ll never know, but all I know is that I really, really don’t wanna live anymore. My life has become meaningless, my body slowly withering away and in a vegetative state. I can’t talk to anyone. I can’t do shit. The only thing I can do is see and hear everyone around me. It’s a pretty sad and pathetic excuse of a life, if you ask me.
    Beyond the curtain separating my bed from Anthony’s, I could hear crying and sniffling from a few people that are family members of my now dead roommate. It’s a real bummer that he’s gone, but at least now he’s at peace. If anything, he got lucky. He gets to rest in peace while I have to keep going on and on. How unfair.
    A young man stepped into the room, walking past my bed and back to Anthony’s, where the people from the funeral home the nurse called taking the body away. I’ve seen him before when he first got here. His name is Frank, and I know that based on what I’ve heard his parents call him. I decided that I kinda liked him when I first saw him--creamy pale skin, lustered hazel eyes, long and styled black hair, as well as a Misfits t-shirt. Boy’s got good taste in music, that’s for sure. The poor thing looks like he’s done a good deal of crying. I wish I could hold him and reassure him that his grandpa is in a better place and is no longer suffering. What’s sad is that I’ll most likely never see this boy again. What reason does he have to be here now that his grandpa is gone? I could only hope that he will soon come to terms with the death of a family member.
    I suddenly heard a shifting of feet near Anthony’s bed. A man and woman that both looked to be middle-aged, as well as an older lady, stepped out of the room. Behind them was the same boy that I said I like. He stopped at my bed when, I presume to be his parents and grandma, walked out of the room. He sat there and stared for a little bit, nodded, then walked out. I wish I could tell him hello, but clearly couldn’t even do that. I don’t even have the ability to tell him goodbye, since I know I’ll never see him again. Oh well.

_ _ _
    “All done. See you later, Gerard,” said Becky, the nursing tech that just changed me. She took off her pair of dirty gloves, throwing them in the trash and walking out of my room. I really appreciate the fact that most of the staff here in this hospital try talking to me, even though I can’t respond. Kinda hard to explain why that is. When Becky walked out, my mom Donna and brother Mikey walked in, a bouquet of flowers in mom’s hand.
    “Hey, Ger-bear,” she said, replacing the dead and withering flowers in a vase with the new ones. She leaned down and gave me a kiss on the forehead. Mikey smiled and waved, sitting down with mom.
    “Hey, bro,” he said, looking up from his phone, texting god knows who. He looked behind him and peeked through the curtain, revealing an empty hospital bed. “Huh. Looks like your roommate left,”
    “I don’t think so. He didn’t look too good last time we were here. My guess is that the good lord took him,” Donna said, wrapping her hand around mine. Right above me, my I.V machine began to beep, indicating I was low on it. At that moment, Becky walked in the room, a replacement I.V bag in her hand, like she was expecting my bag to go low.
    “Hey, Becky. What happened to Gerard’s roommate Anthony?” my mom asked her.
    “He passed away this morning,” she said blankly, finishing hooking up my new I.V bag.
    “Knew it. That’s a real shame. At least he’s not suffering anymore,” mom said as Becky walked out. I still felt incredibly jealous of the old man. Why can’t the supposed good lord take me? Why would he want me to lay here and slowly rot away? I guess I’ll never know…
    “My friend Pete says hi, Gerard,” Mikey said, looking up from his phone. Oh, jesus. Mikey’s always talking to Pete. I swear they were made for each other. Not just as friends, but more than that. Before I fell into this coma, Mikey was always telling me about Pete, and how much he liked him. I even remember one time when he took him out to dinner for Valentine’s Day. Why can’t the two just get together already? Maybe they did. I don’t know; I’m not there to see. If they are dating, then good for them. If only I were there to see. If my brother really did find someone he liked, I’m proud of him. I just wish I could do the same instead of be in this damn hospital.
    I looked back to my mom, who suddenly didn’t look too happy. She was still holding my hand, her thumb stroking it. She brought it up to her face, taking it into both hands, looking like she’s praying as she held my hand. She began to sniffle, tears running from her eyes. My brother put a supporting hand on her shoulder, frowning.
    “It’s okay, mom,” he said sympathetically. “Gerard wouldn’t wanna see you like this,”
    “I know. It’s just that…,” my mom said. “I don’t want him to end up like Anthony,”
    “Mom, he’s in good hands. He’s not gonna die. You heard Dr. Walker. He said he’s in stable condition,”
    “I know, honey. I know. It’s just that it’s been two months since...all this happened. I just want him to wake up,”
    “Me too, mom. Me too,” Mikey sighed.
    “I don’t want him to end up like your father, Mikey…,” mom said, her voice choked back my tears. Oh, lord. Why did she have to bring up dad? Was that even necessary? He’s dead. He got into that car accident and was killed instantly. I even remember when we got the phone call bearing the bad news. It was around Christmas time when me and Mikey were little. We were playing with our new toys when mom got the call. Our father was at work, and he never came home that day. A drunk driver ran into him, and his car was totaled and his body was mangled. I don’t think me and Mikey saw our mom cry so much. It was even worse at the funeral. Me and Mikey were too young to fully grasp all that had taken place, but we knew that our dad was gone, and we cried with mom that day. Considering the state I’m in, I wish I could be like dad.
    “Mom, please don’t say that…,” Mikey said, sighing again. I could tell that he hated it when his mom got like this. I do too. It hurts to see mom upset. I want her to be happy. I feel like I’m a burden to her and Mikey. I want to die so that I could be at peace. Why can’t god just take me already…?
    “I’m sorry, Mikey,” mom said, sniffling as she grabbed a tissue from her bag and blew her nose into it.
    “Let’s talk positive around Gee. I’m sure he and dad would hate to see us upset, right bro?” Mikey asked, turning to me and smiling sadly. He leaned forward and left a kiss on my forehead, like mom did earlier.
    “You know what? You’re right. I’m sorry, Ger-bear,” mom said. She looked at the time on her watch. “Oh, damn it. I gotta get you to work, Mikey,”
    “Huh? Oh, yeah,” Mikey replied, standing up with mom. Mom left one final kiss on my cheek.
    “See you soon, baby,” she said, walking out with Mikey as he waved goodbye to me. See you, mom and Mikey. They’re just about the only people I see. I don’t get any other visitors, sadly. None of my aunts or uncles or cousins or other family members come to see me. It’s okay, though. At least I get people that see me period. There’s a part of me that still wishes that Frank would come and see me, even though he’s a stranger. Wait, no. I take that back. I wouldn’t want him to see me in the state I’m in. This guy’s just dealt with the death of his grandfather, after all. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to come back here. I don’t blame him, honestly.