Asleep or Dead (Frerard)

Chapter 19 (Frank's POV)

Mute. Gerard is fucking mute. I slumped back into my chair out of disbelief, placing my head in my hands and just sighing. I mean, I love the fact that he's awake, but he still can't reply to me when I speak to him. Maybe he could use a pen and notepad.

 “He’s awake, right?” I asked, looking up and addressing Brendon. The nurse nodded and offered a hopeful smile.

 “Hopefully he'll come around and speak again. I doubt it, though, sadly. He's responsive now in every field but that one, so that's good.” Brendon rambled, hopping erratically from topic to topic. I glanced at Gerard and watched his face, trying to see if he would do anything. I dug into his hazel pools for the emotions I wanted to see, coming up for air with confusion and disappointment. I understood why.
 “Well… I think we should let him get used to everything and then work on getting his motor skills in order. I think writing will become his best friend.” Brendon said, scribbling on a clipboard before leaving the room.

 I continued to watch Gerard's eyes as his mind pushed through their vacancy, trying to restore the tales they must tell. I knew he was thinking, and I want to know what he was thinking about.

 “When d’ya think he'll be able to talk and stuff?” I asked, turning my gaze to Ray. The fluffy-haired cancer patient shrugged.

 “Could be five minutes, could be five years. I just hope I'll live to see it.” He answered, shuffling his hands. I hope you live to see it too, I thought.

 “And when d’ya think it's appropriate to confess something completely off topic to him?” I asked, trying to remain vague.

 “Anytime.” Ray answered, “why? You're pregnant?” He joked. I laughed and shook my head, running a hand through my hair.

 “Ah, no, nothing like that. Um… let's see. So now is the time?” I wanted to be sure I wasn't going to regret anything. Ray seemed like he'd be fine with what I was going to say, but I had to be cautious.

 “Knock yourself out.” Ray said with a shrug, “as long as you aren't admitting to having killed a man.”

 “Thanks Ray.” I murmured, dragging my chair to Gerard's bedside and sighing before taking both of the boys icy hands in mine.

 “I…I know you can hear me, Gee. I know you wanna respond too….I wish you could respond. I wish you could tell me what you think about what I'm gonna say.” I began, glancing at Ray occasionally for reassurance. I bet he knew what I was going to tell Gerard. His face gave it away, with the wide grin and lit up eyes.

 “I, um. Okay, listen carefully… when you're able to respond, could you tell me what you think about-” I paused momentarily when my voice cracked. Goddamnit, stupid Frank.

 “-about being my… my boyfriend.” I dropped the word like it was a hot bowl of good food, causing unnecessary tears to form in my eyes. Maybe I'm scared that Gerard’ll slap me or say no when he becomes responsive.

 “A-and I know it's really forward and it sounds really selfish cause I just broke up with Jamia… but I was kinda hoping she'd…I dunno…leave me? For lack of a better word?” I tried to justify myself, as if it would make it any better.

 All I can do now is wait.