Asleep or Dead (Frerard)

Chapter 14 (Gerard's POV)

      Goddamnit. God fucking damnit! I was so close to waking up! I could have finally woken up from this deep sleep I've been in for so long. But no. I'm still not awake, but I was so close to not being in that state anymore. If I could scream at the top of my lungs, I definitely would do it so loud that the whole hospital can hear me. What the hell is wrong with me? I just can't do it. I feel so pathetic. I am sick of being in this stupid coma. I want to know what prevented me from waking up, but I don't know what it is. I also want to know what caused me to end up in this state. I guess I'll never know.
           I looked over at Ray, who's still watching some show on the Food Network. I immediately began to feel envious towards the people on the TV. They're not in comas in the hospital like I am. They're all just going with their own business just living it up. I hate the fact that they can talk and walk and eat and do whatever else awake people can do. I even feel jealousy towards Ray, except for the fact that he has cancer. At least he can wake up whenever he pleases, as well as talk and eat. I can't do any of that. Of course not.
           I suddenly began to think of Frank, and how happy he makes me. I wish he was here right now. I wish there was a way I could vent to him about me being stuck in this deep sleep. I know he would listen to every word I want to say. I know he would hold me in an embrace so that I could cry on him, because right now that's what I feel like doing. This is so unfair. Why does he and everyone else get to be awake, but not me? What did I do wrong? I want to know. I also want to kiss Frank, and tell him how much he means to me. But I can't do that because A: I'm in a coma, and B: Frank already has a girlfriend. I can tell that she has been growing jealous of me since Frank always diverts much of his attention towards me whenever he's around me. I wonder just how often Frank thinks of me, because I think about Frank in just about every moment can spare. I can never get over how beautiful he is. I swear that whenever he's around me, I get those chills and butterflies in the stomach that someone always gets when they're around someone they really like. I wonder if Frank feels the same way towards me.
           “Sorry that you didn't wake up, Gerard. There's always a next time,” Ray said suddenly, looking over at me as he sat up in his bed. He better be right that there's a next time. Next time, I'm gonna fight even harder to wake up. I don’t exactly know how I can do it, but I will try within every inch of my being. I can only imagine everyone's reactions when i do eventually wake up. Mom will probably cry tears of joy. Hell, Mikey might even do the same, even if he's normally not one to show that much emotion. I want to know what Frank's reaction will be most of all. Will he cry? Will he take me into a loving embrace? Will he tell me how happy he is that I'm awake? I'm hoping that all that will happen, because if the roles were reversed, that's what I would do.
           I looked outside from the window near Ray's bed. It's pitch black out, indicating that it’s late and probably time to go to bed. I am feeling a little tired after what happened earlier. I should probably get some sleep, like actual sleep where I am unaware of what's going on around me. Sometimes sleeping temporarily helps the pain I have to go through every waking moment in my sick and sad life. All I can do when I'm asleep is dream about what life would be like for me if I wasn't in this coma, and that's exactly what I wanna do. I laid there in my bed, trying to internally relax myself until I eventually slipped into unconsciousness.