Asleep or Dead (Frerard)

Chapter 17 (Frank's POV)

        Even though I agreed to venting, I still didn't particularly enjoy opening up the dam of my emotions and smothering the people below. I was glad that Ray was understanding though. It made me feel a bit better about bothering him and Gerard with my problems.

 “At least she won't have to deal with coming over here anymore.” I murmured, chuckling a little to lighten the mood.

 “True, true.” Ray agreed, “and Gerard here won't have to deal with her negativity anymore.”

 “That's good.” I said quietly, giving Gerard's hand a soft squeeze. I contemplated scooting closer to him, but I didn't want to seem rude to Ray.

 “I hope he wakes up soon. It's kinda sad to see a guy like him stuck in a shitty ass coma.”

 “Yeah…” I trailed off, scratching the side of me neck. I didn't know if it was appropriate to ask if Gerard was gay or bi or anything. That'd probably be a bit forward and obvious.

 “Y’know what? When I beat this cancer and Gerard wakes up, we’ll all hang out. Hell, Mikey can join if he wants.” Ray declared, sitting up a little straighter in bed. I flashed Ray a grin and nodded vigorously.

 “Yeah! That sounds rad!” I exclaimed, glancing at Gerard.

 “How does that sound to you, Gee?” I asked, even though he couldn't respond. I wished he was awake. Then I could tell him how rad he was, ask him about his favorite things to see if we shared any interests, and tell him that I was glad that Jamia had broken up with me because…. well, I think it's pretty clear now.

 I felt a bit bad for Jamia, really. She was a kind girl at heart, but she had always been plagued by a jealous streak. I couldn't really put her at too much fault. I didn't always have to spend every dime of my free time on Gerard, but I wanted to.

 Yes, I also wanted to hang out with Jamia, but I know that can't keep my attention on one thing for too long. She would then argue that I seemed to be able to keep my attention on Gerard pretty well, to which I would sigh and agree to the statement. I guess Jamia stopped being… as thrilling for me to be with. That's how relationships work, but Jamia was the only person who I had ever been with long enough to have the spark go through the proverbial wringer.

 I shook my head to myself and mumbled about life being the thing to blanket the strongest flames, an unusual quip from me. Ray noticed.

 “Where'd you get that thought, edgy boy?” He joked, grinning at me. I chuckled at his joke and shrugged.

 “Dunno man. I guess they just come around when I let myself do a little too much thinking.”

 “Ah… okay. Then maybe I should check up on you when you're silent.”

 “That sounds like a good idea. Thanks, Fro-Man.” I tested out the nickname for Ray that had been swimming around in the depths of my mind for a few days. He broke out into a fit of laughter.

 “‘Fro-Man’?! I've hardly got enough hair to call it a fro, let alone give myself a name based around it!” He exclaimed through his giggles. I thought I could feel the optimism radiating off of him, and I took the time to bask in it. I wish I could be that happy whist in the midst of pain or misfortune.

 I looked over at Gerard again, searching his restful face for any sign of emotion. All I caught was fear, probably remnant of the incident that left him in the coma to begin with. Maybe he was laughing on the inside, adding on his opinion to me and Ray's conversations, thinking about what we say and spending time to decipher every word. That sounded really cool.

 I hope, that after the false alarm yesterday, Gerard's chance of waking up has increased. He could wake up any day now, and now that Jamia is out of the picture, I guess I have the ability to spend my free time waiting for that day. Hell knows I will. Ray’ll probably catch on to my… I wouldn't say ‘obsession’... with Gerard. I hope he doesn't mind it when I discreetly swoon over the comatose boy.

 Wow. Jamia was right. I do love Gerard, and I'm not even upset about it.