Nerd In Disguise

Ch. 33: Moving on & Mom's secret

Thirty-Three

I didn't know what life will bring me next. I don't even know if I have the strength to handle what comes next. It's funny how one minute we thought we had everything under control, and then reality laugh at your face as it started to throw shits after shits at me. I look at my little family's tombstones, wondering how it will be like if life took a different turn. If dad don't ever get recruited, that he took a different career. I wonder what it will be like to just have a normal family. Coming home everyday for dinner, a little of bickering cause we can't agree on the same thing. Maybe, just maybe, we could be happy then.

I wanted to get pass this. I wanted to move on from this. Start a new life, but I don't know how. All my life, I've been going from places to places disguising myself as a nerd. All my life ever since I got recruited into the firm, I've been living life as someone I'm not that even the thought of leaving it got me feeling so weird. What can I do if I'm not working for Jon? What will I be if I live my life normally like the rest of the people unaware of the danger people walking right past us?

I heard footsteps approaching, but I can't be bothered to check who it is. I'm too deep with my what ifs questions. "It's not easy huh," The oh so familiar voice spoke. I turn to my side and look at Jack's face. He's not looking at my father's tombstone, "I know you're hurting. I know losing your loved ones hurt you so much, you don't know what to do anymore. But we're all here for you Elaina. You still have your sister."

I look away from him, not saying a word. "We're close, but you never really once ask me anything about my family." I heard him said, "Why?"

I shrug, I can feel his eyes on me. "I'm not one to pry into people's personal life." I answered easily. "I mean when you came, you always talked about your little sister. I always assumed you're happy and content with your life."

"That's where you're wrong," he told me. I look back at him confused. "Life has never been easy as how you seem to make it out. I've been grieving for my family ever since- ever since they left." Speechless, there's nothing I could say. I open my mouth a couple of times to try and say something, but no words are been said. I remember him telling me about his little family of four when we first met. He never stopped talking about them. That's how we've became close. His love for his family. It reminds me so much of dad's love for us. The way Jack adore his family, makes me adore him.

"We weren't exactly a partner at that moment, I was still working alone. Handling shits alone, thinking it's all fun and games. Nothing could go wrong." He explained, "A couple weeks after we met, do you remember that one time I didn't turned up work for months. That's because I was grieving for my family. When we had just one mission, and I couldn't pull the fucking trigger on that one guy. I didn't know then, that he would come after my family. That he would come for them for revenge after what I did with his business."

Memories of hunting for a drug dealer flashed through my mind. I couldn't even remember how that guy looks like, but I do remember that he escaped when we turn our backs on him. "He killed my family Elaina." His voice broke and the tears that filled his eyes doesn't go unnoticed either, "All in one night, I lost everything. My parents, my sister. I lost the people who were so dear to me and I didn't know how to act for weeks."

Not gonna lie, I shed a few of my own tears. I could feel his pain, I couldn't imagine going through something like. I couldn't imagine what he must have gone through at that time. Yes, I've lost my family. But he lost his all at the same time. "How-" I cut myself off not knowing how to phrase my question. "Are you okay?" I decided to ask instead.