The Queen's Thief

Chapter 36: Sad times

*28 years old*
*Story Brooke*
~Sam's pov~

"So does this mean you guys are officially dating?" I turned to see Snow standing in the door way of my home.

"I guess. We haven't actually talked about it. I just occasionally take her out and we spend time together." I said as I cleared dishes off my table. "You can come in. Do you want something to drink or eat?"

"No I just thought I'd stop by." She said as she walked over and sat on my couch. "I haven't seem much of you lately."

"Yeah, I've needed some time to myself. You know a lot has happened and I still need to sort myself out." I stared into my sink at the few dirty dishes. "I've also had a lot of repairs still to work on here."

"I heard you told Robin to stop helping."

"He should spend more time with his son. Not building my place." I refused to turn around.

I know she isn't stupid she'd figure it out sooner or later, but I do t want to tell her.

"I over heard you got into a pretty heated argument with him." She said as if she was about to poke a sleeping bear.

"Look we're adults and things happen." I decided to wash the few dishes to distract myself. "If he had just listened a fight wouldn't have broken out."

"Why did you want him to leave so badly?"

"Snow please don't push this." I tried to sound calm but I wasn't sure if that is how I was sounding to her.

I held a plate in one hand and a a sponge in the other. I squeezed the sponge until my hand was covered in suds and my knuckles were white.

"No you always push people away before running off with Patr for who knows how long." Snow was obviously irritated but was doing a better job at keeping her calm than I was. "I just want..."

"I hate myself Snow." I spoke aloud before I could stop myself. "I push people away because I don't understand how they could stand being around me."

"Sam..." She sounded like a saddened mother.

"I'm not looking for sympathy Snow." I spoke softly as I released the sponge. "You asked for a reason. So I gave it to you."

"Why do you..." She spoke softly as if I were a startled deer.

"Why does anyone hate themselves?" I asked rhetorically as I cut her off. "I've never been loved Snow. Not even by a parent. I always thought there was someone out there, but the only time I almost found what could have been close to that I was ripped away from it by a jealous pirate."

She didn't say anything instead she same and stood next to me before gently taking the plate from me.

"I decided that I would never let anyone get close to me again after I almost died because of that pirate." I sighed and leaned against the counter. "Instead I let someone get close; then I fell in love with someone I can't ever have. No matter how much I love her."

"No one will care who you love once they see it's true." She said trying to make me feel better.

"You don't understand what I mean." I sighed. "I remember everything now. Even when I died on your 15th birthday."