Obscurity

Chapter 17: Group

Alma

I sit in complete shock. My jaw has probably hit the floor. I cannot believe what I just witnessed. This place is insane. My mind can't seem to wrap around the meltdown Sierra just had. I look at Chris. He's straightening the chairs out and putting them back where they were before they had to remove Sierra.

"Chris, do you think we should postpone Group?" Stacy asks as she helps him with the chairs.

"No. No. Just continue on as usual." He looks at us all. "Carry on with Group as usual." His voice raised a bit, so we all can hear him. "Don't let this outburst discourage you from sharing and talking."

Stacy chimes in, "We all know Sierra can be a bit high-strung at times. Today was just one of those days for her. We all have our days, don't we group?"

Chris nods in agreement. They're doing their best to control the situation and keep the group on track. I look around and notice half of the other patients are not even shocked. They don't appear to be surprised by the outburst. Maybe this is normal for them? It makes me wonder how often these types of things happen around here, specifically with Sierra at the helm of the crazy ship. I shake my head.

There's no way I'd ever let this become my normal. Nope. I'm focusing on getting through this hell and going home. I remember what Chris told me about participating in groups. He put strong emphasis on the participating part in particular. That's my ticket out of here.

Stacy calls everyone's attention, "Everyone did a great job introducing themselves. I really am happy you were all so forthcoming. Right now, I'd like to officially welcome Alma to the Group." She stands and claps as if she's giving a standing ovation at an opera. I blush a little. All this attention is not quite what I expected when I came for this group session.

She sits back down and her light airy tone morphs into one of seriousness. "I want to go around the circle now and ask everyone to share why they think they are here." Groans of protest and apprehensive looks fly around the room. "I know. I know you will have to come out of your comfort zone for this exercise, but I really hope everyone will participate."

There's that word again. They seem very preoccupied with getting everyone to take part and share. I really have no choice. It's now or never. My eyes dart over to Chris. He's looking right at me. His stare is serious, and I know he's thinking that it's better if I share and become part of the group. I sigh inwardly.

When the group quiets down a bit, Stacy looks around the room to each one of us. "Now, who would like to go first?" she enthusiastically asks. Her eyes scan the group. No one volunteers. I clear my throat.

"I'll go first." I say meekly. Chris smiles approvingly at me. He encourages me to go ahead with his eyes and a nod of his head.

Everyone is staring directly at me. I have the floor. My heart beats faster, and I feel my muscles tightening in my shoulders. My knees are like jelly and it makes me glad I'm not standing up. I bounce my knees out of nervousness. I take a moment to gather my thoughts. I didn't really think this out. What will I say that doesn't sound like a lie or deflection? My circumstances are extraordinary and if I try to explain them to these people the way I have to everyone else, they're going to make assumptions and think I'm lying. I nervously spin and fidget with my wrist band.

I decide to go about it as diplomatically as possible. I clear my throat again and remind myself to speak up, so everyone can hear. I look over to Stacy, and she's encouraging me to go on with a champion smile. I shoot a look over to Chris, and he's waiting like all the others. Here goes.

"As you know, I'm Alma. I'm here because someone I know thinks I'm a risk to myself and others. They called the police and they brought me here. Ever since my arrival, I've been hell-bent on getting out of here. But I've realized, relatively recently, that maybe being here isn't so bad. Maybe I should try to work on some things during my stay. That is precisely what I'm planning to do. Work on myself. Thanks."