Obscurity

Chapter 27: Black

Alma

Heading in the direction of the nurses station, I'm in better spirits. I'm eager to get this appointment underway. Talking with Dr. Summers just has to be beneficial to my being released. I'm looking at it as a stepping stone in the process of my release. I'm completely aware that he may not approve of me leaving so soon, but I'm still holding out a sliver of hope.

"Alma, do you have a minute?" Nick says as he comes out of his room to my left. I stop walking.

"Sure."

"Are you okay?" the concern in his voice disarms me a bit.

I force a smile, but I know my eyes betray me. I know he knows I'm not okay.

I shrug my shoulders and shuffle my feet awkwardly. I know he saw what went down earlier.

"Sorry you had to see that." I apologize.

"Stop apologizing. You didn't do anything to deserve that kind of treatment." He insists.

I look down to the left and concentrate on the floor of the hallway. I don't know what to say. My mind goes back to the moment I saw Nick pulling nurses out of the way trying to get to the door Chris was pulling me through.

"Thanks Nick. For... for trying to intervene." I say, meeting his eyes.

He just nods.

"Can I hug you?" he asks.

I don't even give him an answer. I immediately grab him into an embrace. He rubs his hand up and down the top of my back. I hang onto him for as long as he'll let me. I don't want to let go.

After a moment or two, we each pull away. Tears are pooling in my eyes, threatening to fall.

"It's okay to cry Alma." He says sympathetically.

"I know. It's just that I'm going to meet Dr. Summers, and I don't want to look like an unstable wreck." I explain as I sop the tears from my eyes with my sleeve.

"After your meeting I want to talk to you, if that's okay." He says quietly.

I nod. "Sure."

"I'll let you get to it. Good luck with your meeting, Alma. I hope it goes well." He says as I turn toward the nurses station.

"Nick, you're a good guy."

He blushes a little and stares down at his socks.

"I mean it." I say as I walk away. I look back over my shoulder at him, and he waves and gives me a smile.

When I reach the nurses station, my sliver of hope, like a light in the rear-view mirror of a car that's driving away, fades as soon as I see Chris talking with Dr. Summers at the observation desk. My step falters and I freeze. I stand there, in the hallway, still. My eyes wide as saucers. I don't know why I'm surprised, Chris is the unit manager after all. I'm terrified he's telling the doctor about the situation that transpired earlier. I worry he's undoubtedly explaining the event with me on the shit side of it. I'm certain he's presenting it all painting me as the villain.

The doctor's back is to me and Chris is standing in front of him. I can't tell what he's saying, they're speaking in hushed tones. Chris looks over the doctor's shoulder and notices I'm standing here. I immediately look away to avoid eye contact with him.

"Is there something you need, Alma?" he says, his tone pleasant. It shocks me. A complete three-sixty from the Chris that grabbed me up and dragged me down the hall earlier.

"Um. Uh..." I struggle to find words. "The nurse said the doctor sent for me." I manage to finally say.

The doctor turns around to face me.

"Alma Weaver, I'm Dr. Summers. So nice to meet you." He offers his hand. I shake it as I look at him in disbelief. His personality is cheerful, not at all how I'd expected. I had figured he'd be like Dr. Kavanaugh, crotchety and not at all pleasant.

"Shall we?" he offers me his arm. I figure he wants me to thread mine through his and we can skip to Oz together. I look at him like he's lost his mind.

"Ah. I see. You're not in a playful mood. Fair enough." He says with a grin.

My shock at his antics must be showing on my face. He straightens up and gives me a professional nod. "Right this way, young lady." And he walks past me taking a sharp right toward the group and other therapy rooms.

I look at Chris as I'm turning to follow the doctor. As soon as I realize we're headed for the West Hall, I freeze. Dr. Summers continues on, oblivious that I'm not following him.

My mind is red-alerting and screaming at me not to go down that hallway. My feet physically will not move. I want so badly to just move, follow along, get this over with, but I simply cannot.

Every fiber of my being is pulling me in the opposite direction. My muscles tense as I relive being dragged down the very same hallway hours ago.

Dr. Summers turns and stops walking when he notices I'm no longer following behind him. He raises his eye brows in question.

"Is everything all right, Alma?"

I stammer. I can't even get a word out of my mouth. I slowly back away from the entrance to the West Hall.

"Alma, please follow me. We will have our meeting in the group room." He offers.

"I— I can't..." my voice shaking. My breaths quick and uneven. I can hear my heart beating in my ears.

I look over to Chris in the nurses station, and he's subtly shaking his head. His eyes are threatening. I get the impression that he doesn't want me disclosing why I'm so afraid.

"Sure you can. Just come this way." Dr. Summers coaxes.

My body shudders and I can't force myself forward. Hot tears begin to stream down my face. The shaking is scaring me. I've never had this happen to me before. I've never been so afraid.

I slowly start to back away. I feel like I can't get enough air into my lungs. I gasp for more air, more quickly. Chris's voice registers from somewhere on my right, "Alma. Go have your meeting. Now." He says with an authoritative tone.

I feel like I'm overheating and I feel the pressure in my head building. I'm not going down that hallway. I fight the urge to run away. I struggle to keep my composure. Chris exits the nurses station and comes to my side.

"Go. Now." He says.

With those two words in my ear, it happens.

I feel the warmness running down my pants. At this moment, I don't know if I'll die from this panic attack or from embarrassment. I look down at my pants. I see the dark stream of liquid soaking into my pants. My mind whirls. I'm still frozen to this spot.

Chris is saying something to me. I can't hear him, though. I can only hear a loud whooshing in my ears. I glance over to the day room to see if anyone is witnessing my mortification. It does no good. I can't seem to focus on anything.

Then, my eyes dart to Dr. Summers. He's walking in my direction. My vision starts to blur and darken at the edges. My head is throbbing and I feel like I'm wavering, shifting in a non-existent wind. I can only hear what sounds like my heart beating in my ears. The doctor's saying something but it's lost on me, drowned out by the thudding. The darkness at the edge of my vision is a thick engulfing fog, and everything goes black.