Obscurity

Chapter 51: Sorry

Alma

"Well?" I glare at him.

"Well, what?" He tries to avoid the question with one of his own.

"Where's the Charger?"

"It's put away."

"Oh. What a relief! I was worried it was towed or stolen." Sarcasm engulfing every word.

"What in the hell is going on, Spencer?" I'm not letting up.

"Alma..."

"Don't Alma me Spencer." Hissing my warning to him.

"You should relax a little. I told you I had a plan."

"Relax? Are you serious?" My incredulous tone is not lost on him.

He rubs the back of his neck and points to the table we were previously sitting at. As we take our seats, he lets out a sigh. He shoots looks around the room as if he's trying to decide on what to say.

"Spencer, I'm waiting." I remind him to pull him back to the moment. I don't need him gaining enough time to make up a lie.

"Alma, I can't say much. All I can say is just bear with me." He says apologetically. His voice a whisper.

"Oh. So, what you're really trying to say is that you can't let your ex in on any secrets you have? You're unbelievable, you know that?"

"I wish you'd just trust me."

"Yeah. Like you trusted me? Right?" I scoff.

"Alma." The pitiful look he's wearing is starting to piss me off.

"No. No 'Alma.' Stop trying to manipulate me." I say, my jaw clenched.

"I don't want to talk about anything from our past." Reluctance stringing his words together.

"You never have." I cross my arms defensively.

He shakes his head and stares down at the table. It's just like him to not want to make eye contact or admit he was wrong.

I take the opportunity to voice what's been crossing my mind for almost fours years.

"You doubted me at a time in my life when you were the only person I had. You were the one who should have believe me. You turned your back on me, Spencer. You did. And now, you're here. Why? I don't know. But if you think for one flipping second this is some way you can make amends and fix everything or even gain some sort of redemption, you need to stop fooling yourself. I will never forgive you." Standing up from the table, I pass by him and move to another table across the day room.

He sits in the seat I left him in, head hanging down. He knows I'm right. He knows how everything went down. Looking out the window for a moment, he shakes his head again and gets up from his seat. He walks over to my table and plops down in a chair right next to me.

I turn to face him. He takes my hands in his, tears welling in his eyes.

"There are not enough words in this world to express to you how sorry I am. How sorry I am for everything. For the way I treated you. For not believing you. Not believing in you. I'll never be able to make it up to you. I hurt you, and I just want you to know that I truly am sorry from the bottom of my heart, Alma." His tears spill over and he squeezes my hands.

I watch him wipe away the rogue tears that trailed down his face. He retakes my hands in his. I'm not sure how I feel hearing those very words from him. I imagined I would feel better. Vindicated. I thought I'd feel forgiving. I don't, though. I feel anger welling up inside me.

"Excuse me. You two know the rules. No female and male touching on my unit." Chris's words carry over to us from the hallway, and we instantly let go of each others' hands. I glare at Chris.

Spencer wipes his face again and then looks over to Chris who's standing there eyeing the two of us.

"Don't worry about it, Chris." Spencer says with more confidence than I could've mustered.

"Pardon?" Chris says as he takes a few steps into the day room.

"I said, don't worry about it." Spencer digs his heels in and doubles down on his statement. I suspect Chris's 'pardon' was an out he'd been providing for Spencer to change his tone but Spencer doesn't.

Chris nods and smiles. "Separate. Both of you." He orders. I go to get up but Spencer motions for me to sit tight. I cock my head to the side, worry reflecting in my wide eyes.

"No, Spencer it's fine." I say as I go to stand up again.

"NO, It's not fine, Alma. Sit down— Please?" He says, never taking his glare off Chris.

My mind starts racing a million miles per minute. No, no, no. Spencer has to back down. This has to end right now.

I stand up and shout at him. "FUCK OFF, SPENCER!" and rush away from the table. I am not going to be part of this situation. I'm not mad at him, but I feel like if I just make a scene, Chris will back off. I do not want this stand off to end with Spencer in either Secondary or Solitary.

As I walk past Chris, he laughs and turns on his heel. Halfway down the hallway I look back to see Chris entering back into the nurses station. A satisfied look on his face. I shake my head and proceed to my room. As I turn to go into my room, I look back down the hallway again and see Spencer coming down the East Hall. He's probably going to his room too.

He looks miserable but I'm not the one who's responsible for that. He made his bed. This is his problem. If he had been the person that I needed him to be back when we were together, none of this would be weighing on him now. All it would've taken was a little faith and a lot of trust. He possessed neither faith nor trust. I'm not responsible for that. I refuse to feel like shit because none of that was my fault. He brought these feelings on himself and quite frankly, I don't feel sorry for him. I'm actually glad he's finally come to the point where he can see his inadequacies. Now he can see he was so very wrong in it all.