Obscurity

Chapter 35: Reprimands

Alma

Dr. Summers places his files down the desk and looks up at me. His look is neutral, maybe a little curious.

"How are you feeling today?" the obligatory question everyone here seems to ask rears it's head.

"I feel better than I did yesterday." I offer.

"About yesterday..." He says rubbing his chin.

I look down at my feet. I was dreading this conversation for this very reason. He's wanting to discuss yesterday, and I have no good lie to tell. I feel like I'm going to be forced to be honest about it.

"Are you prone to fits of panic?"

"I've never experienced anything like it before in my life." I decide the truth will work best.

"Never?"

I shake my head. I resume keeping eye contact with Dr. Summers, so that he gets the impression I'm being truthful.

"Your panic attack yesterday, I believe, was a response to a stimulus." He explains.

"Something triggered the attack, and I would like to know what you think that may have been."

I shift in my seat but keep eye contact with him. This is a pivotal moment. I can tell the truth and hope there are no repercussions when Chris hears about it or continues to lie and hope everything turns out for the best.

"I get the impression you're uncomfortable talking about this." He says.

I nod. I'm still on the fence with whether to spew the truth or just keep my mouth closed.

"I'm getting the idea that you do not want to tell me what got you so riled up in the hallway yesterday, would I be correct in assuming that?" he asks.

I nod again.

"I see you're afraid of something or someone here. Am I correct in assuming that?"

I continue to nod. Maybe by not saying what's going on and keeping my responses to nonverbal affirmations, I can't get in as much trouble if Chris finds out.

"All right. I think this form of communication may work." He rubs his chin again."Would you mind if I take notes during this session?"

I nod again, this time more emphatically.

He sets his pen down.

"I think I see what's going on here." He states as he sits back in his chair.

"Is it a staff member?"

I nod.

"Male or female?"

"Male." This is the first word I speak in response to his questions.

"All right. I understand you don't want this information going to said staff member?"

"That's right." My body is trembling with anxiety. I'm worried I'm making a terrible decision.

He reaches back behind him into a tray of peach colored papers and pulls one out. I bite my thumb nail.

"Let me explain what this form is..." he begins. "This form is what's called or referred to as an 1840. What this form does is reports misconduct or abusive behavior perpetrated by staff against clients." He speaks slowly, I believe, to get his point across.

I nod.

"No one besides the person reporting the behavior and the doctor or staff that takes the report sees this paper. Do you understand?"