Say No To This

8

A/N: Am I on fire with these updates or what?? 

-Eliza

Lin's POV

A few weeks had gone by and Pippa was beginning to open more and more up to me. I eventually asked her to be my girlfriend officially and she had said yes. I was glad that we had finally gotten to this stage. But I wondered how the living situation would be if we ever got more serious. Of course, it changed when we had our first fight. 

"No. My answer is final. She's not going." Pippa muttered while putting dishes into her dishwasher. 

"Pip, it's a kid's show. Spongebob the Musical? You know, that talking sponge that lives at the bottom of the sea?" I explained. 

"Lin, I said no." She growled. 

"Why are you being so defensive about this?!" I groaned. 

"I am not being defensive! You're not dropping the subject after I said no!" She finished placing the dishes in the dishwasher and walked out of the kitchen. 

"Because you're not giving me a real reason as to why you're saying no!" I complained. "You're just repeating yourself." I watched her stop in her tracks and saw Scarlett run for her room. I guess I was in trouble now... 

"Repeating myself? Me." She scoffed. "Ha!" She exclaimed. "I told you. My answer was final Lin. I don't want her seeing the show." She pointed.

"Why? Why can't she see the show?!" I yelled. I watched her carefully. She didn't even wince when I said those words... I did see her face change slightly... Then, I saw the tears... "Pippa..." I whispered. She shook her head and walked into her room. She slammed the door behind her and I saw Scarlett peek out of her room to look. 

I fucked up big time... Even if I didn't believe it was my fault. 

I sat on the couch, waiting for her to come around. I just hoped it was soon... 

Pippa's POV

"Why can't she see the show? It's meant for kids." Steven smiled. 

"I just don't think her seeing a child being swung around is a great idea..." I chuckled. 

"Aw, but she's already seen Hamilton. She can handle Matilda." He winked. I couldn't help but laugh. She was only three. I couldn't let her see something like that. 

"My answer is no. So find another one." I whispered. 

"Well darn." He sighed. "Guess we'll have to watch something educational or..." He looked at me and gave a cheeky grin. 

"What? What are you thinking?" I asked him. 

"I'll take her to see Book of Mormon!" He gasped. 

"No! Too mature for her little innocent eyes!" I laughed. 

I tried to calm myself down in my bathroom. My head was spinning from moving too quickly. My eyes stinging from crying with contacts in. I quickly took them out and placed them in their little case so that would be at least one problem solved. 

I didn't even think something like that would make me this upset. I didn't want her going into the city without one of us... She needed us... She needed me. 

I slid down to the floor, hiding behind my laundry hamper. I couldn't help but cry. 

How could I even be like this? I hated myself for this. I felt like I wasn't getting any better and I was spiraling out of control. My emotions coming over me, little things setting me off, and phrases just flooding memories to make me have attacks left and right. 

"Pippa?" I heard Lin's voice call from the bedroom. 

"Leave me alone..." I cried. "Please..." I sniffed. 

"Pippa, I didn't mean to yell... It just slipped out like that." I heard his voice a little clearer now, he was closer. "Scarlett is a little scared, but she told me to come in here and make sure you were okay." The door was pushed open slightly and I saw his eyes were closed. "I really hope you're decent in here." 

"I'm decent." I whispered. I saw him open his eyes and look around in confusion. 

"Where are you?" He asked. 

"Down here." I muttered. "I'm so sorry." I sniffed, feeling a whole new wave of tears come over me. 

"Hey, it's going to be okay." He whispered while kneeling down next to me. 

"It's not going to be okay." I cried. I felt him pull me onto his lap and hold me tightly. "I'm so sorry." I cried into his chest. He held me until I felt more calm, which took a bit since I was in hysterics at that point. Once I finally was calm enough to talk, I felt like Lin didn't even want to hear my excuses... 

"I'm going to go check on Scarlett and put her to bed. I'll be right back." He whispered in my ear. I nodded slightly, sliding myself off of his lap. I watched him leave and I honestly felt terrible. If I hadn't freaked out, Scarlett would've been in bed by now... I got up slowly and saw myself in the mirror. I was a mess. I brushed my hair quickly and just climbed into bed. 

After a little while, Lin came back and was surprised to see me sitting on the bed. He sat next to me, on the side I used to sleep on when Steve was still here. 

"You don't have to tell me what happened." He spoke quietly. 

"I do." I frowned. 

"Pippa, it's my fault." He whispered. 

"It wasn't you." I sighed. "When you asked me why..." I paused, trying not to break down again. "It just... Triggered a memory I had with Steve... He-He asked me the same question with Matilda..." I sniffed. "I... I'm so sorry." I cried. He pulled me into his arms again, letting me cry into him. 

"I know you miss him." He sighed. "But you know I'm not trying to replace him right?" He asked. 

"I know..." I sniffed. "But I can't help but feel like this... My mind doesn't want to forget him..." I admitted. 

"It's hard. I know. When my abuela left us, I didn't know how to feel. I was lost all of time. I know it was a different kind of love, but the feelings are all the same. You don't want someone else to come into your life and try to replace what you once had with someone. I know I'll never have that connection with you like you did with Steve. But I do want a connection with you." He spoke quietly. It was soothing... 

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. 

"Stop apologizing for something that is impossible to change." He chuckled. I felt his lips brush on my forehead and felt his arms tighten around me. "Are you going to be okay tonight?" He asked. 

"Nope." I answered honestly. "I'm probably going to stay up again." I shrugged. 

"Again?" He frowned at me while releasing me from our hug. 

"Three or sometimes four times a week, I just don't sleep." I shrugged. "But I think I would sleep if you stayed here... Just for tonight... You know, to see if it works..." I mumbled.