a brief inquiry into online relationships {tyler joseph}//UNDERGOING EDITING

♡ scales and tears ♡

WARNING: THINGS WRITTEN IN THIS CHAPTER CAN BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS, IF MENTIONS OF WEIGHT AND EATING TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE DON'T READ THIS. IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING, I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WORTH IT. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED TO TALK.
——
♡
~t y l e r~

we leave for tour tomorrow and I'm already so nervous. how will the crew react to daisy? will the fans like her? so many questions are bouncing in the front of my mind. suddenly the front door opens and I see iris holding it open for daisy as she walks in. they hug each other goodbye and iris shuts the door behind her. daisy plops down next to me on the couch and lays her head down in my lap. I start running my fingers through her hair, she gives me a small smile and I lean down and peck her cheek.

"how was your physical therapy appointment, daisy girl?" she sighs and I immediately regret asking. she looks up at me and her blue eyes are dark and tired.

she works so hard, almost too hard.

"I was weighed today." she stated. I already know where this is going. the silence after was almost deafening.

"...and?" she looked down at her hands. that's something she does when she's nervous.

"I lost 4 pounds." she said sadly. tears started welling up in her eyes and on instinct she covered them.

"hey, hey, hey." I started. I lifted her up onto my lap and wrapped my arms around her. she buried her head into my shoulder and I felt my sleeve dampen with her tears. "look at me." she lifted her head up and looked at me with tears running down her cheeks. "your weight does not define you. what matters is that you keep trying, okay? no one is upset with you, no one thinks you're not trying. I see it everyday. you eat even when you feel like you can't. sometimes I have to stop you." she giggles and while doing so she smiles, showing her perfect teeth. "there's that beautiful smile." I kiss her forehead and keep talking. "my point is, you will have setbacks. life has a way of putting hurtles in front of us and stopping us in our tracks. but I see you. I see you and I know that you can get through anything life throws at you. you are doing wonderful, I promise." she smiled for a minute, but soon it faded. her tears were dry but her eyes became sad again.

"I just..I-I don't know why it's so hard. I feel like every pound I gain I lose within a second. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a thigh gap and skin and ribs and hipbones. it's so hard to love myself the way I am when doctors and therapists keep saying that my body is wrong. my parents are worried, ty. my dad thinks I'm malnourished. I feel like everything I do is never enough. I...I'm not helping anything. why do I even try anymore?" she never lifts her gaze from her hands and the room stays silent for a while. even that night on the phone wasn't as heavy as this. before I could find the right words, they just spilled out of my mouth.

"because you know you don't have any other choice but to try. you have to try in order to get better and you know that. this has been your whole life, daisy. you know this disability like the back of your hand. you've worked too hard to stop right now. you're gonna get better, you're gonna be alright daisy. you're gonna be just fi-"she cuts me off by wrapping her arms around me. I wrap my arms around her waist tighter and rock her side to side.

"thank you." she whispers.

"anytime, my flower." she lets go of me and looks at me with a smile. "what?" I ask.

"do you want taco bell?"

"you already know my answer."

yeah, I thought. the crew is gonna love her.

♡