Forgotten (NNS #1) (EDITING)

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Escape

Kinabukasan, nakatanggap ako ng mensahe mula kay Gian na sa susunod na araw ay ang alis niya. He'll be leaving at 9:00 a.m. so most probably, susunduin ko siya sa unit niya ng 6:00, then makakarating siguro kami ng 7:30 or 8:00. He agreed on the plan and never interrupted me again, which I find odd.

Gian not updating me from time to time? Bago ata 'yon. He used to tell me every move he does and such but these days, he's different. He's slowly becoming cold and I don't like it. I don't like him to change.

Sa araw ng pag-alis niya, hindi niya ako halos pinansin. Hindi ko alam, pero may nagbago talaga. Hindi niya rin tinanong kung kamusta ako, kung may naalala na ba ako, o kung alam ko na ba kung gaano ko siya kamahal at kung gaano niya ipiniramdam sa akin na mahal niya ako. While driving, I asked him.

"Gian?" I called him while my eyes are still on the road.

"Yes?" he sternly said as his voice sent shivers down my spine because of his tone. It's too cold, which made me crave for hotness, that never came. He made me want to remember how he have hots for me back then, suddenly made me want to know how intense he was.

And I wondered, did he realize? Did he realize that he just wasted his time on me? That everything he invested just for me to remember turned into waste because I told him that I love him even though I can't remember him fully? Did he finally heard my doubts and realized that I do have a point, that what I am thinking is true? Did the euneirophrenia he once had when he dreamt of us back together disappeared when he heard my 'I love you'?

For the nth time this week, I pushed those thoughts away. Hindi ko dapat isipin 'yon. He assured me once. That's enough for me.

"Why do you seem so... distant and cold?" I asked hesitantly. Not that I'm doubting him again, but his actions made me up all night, thinking where did I go wrong. If I said something that offended him, something that made him change his interaction with me. I don't know. It just confused me that after our conversation about his leave for a month, he changed, and I don't know if it's for better or for worse.

Nilingon ko siya nang tumigil sa kulay pula ang ilaw ng traffic light. He flatly looked at me, with some emotions but still trying to hide it. From that point, I know that he's hiding something that is needed to be elaborated.

Umiling siya bago huminga ng malalim at umiwas ng tingin, "I don't. It's just that..." he trailed off, "everything is draining me. Work, thoughts, plus the fact that two of our friends have unsettled issues. I know I should not interfere with that but I hate the fact that I don't have a say in their thing because it's their relationship and we're just their friend. Hindi ko alam kung pagbalik ko ba, maayos na ang lahat. Oh, and also that," he said as he sighed again.

"I'll leave for a month. For a fucking month. Paano pala kung pagbalik ko dito, hindi pa rin sila okay? Paano kung tuluyan silang masira? Wala ako. I never had a chance to give them both an advice to keep everything up. I treasure them both because they are my friends and I don't want them to separate. Hindi ko gusto na dumating pa sa punto na kailangan kong piliin kung sinong dadaluhan ko, kung sinong aaluhin ko. Kasi mababaliw ako. Hindi ako makapipili.