Silver's Effect

Koyuki

I sighed as I walked home alone.

I had left as soon as I could so as to not run into Ryoma.

why should I put myself through this?

I should just go back to pretending to be Koyumi and save myself the trouble.

after all, everything seems to be going according to plan with my music.

I could feel the coldness in my eyes deepen as I frowned at my shoes.

they were the gym shoes that I hadn't changed out of.

the same type of shoes I used to play tennis in.

Koyumi used to have a matching pair and we loved to wear them whenever we could to go running together.

what would she think of all of this?

'stop being an idiot and man up already!' i heard her laughing voice in my head, causing me to laugh at her familiar words from when I was shy as a kid.

"she tells a little girl sternly," I muttered my usual comeback with a sad smile.

her words although slightly rough had always given me confidence and we would both end up laughing at my smart ass remark.

stopping I looked up at my empty house.

I could almost see my sister walking ahead of me as she looked over her shoulder with a patronizing smile as she said 'honestly, you can't do anything without me!'

opening the iron gate I quickly unlocked my door and went inside, looking around to see if I could perhaps see my sister's shadow again.

stepping into the living room I could see her dusting the t.v. before turning to me with a small frown as she said 'why are you so lazy at home? come help me clean up!'

I blinked as tears gathered in my eyes.

this was the first time I had really remembered her so clearly.

turning I went into the kitchen to see smoke coming from a frying pan as she screamed and used an oven mitt to try and throw the burning pan into the sink 'Yuki! help me! I don't know what happened!'

tears spilled over and I smiled softly at her panicked form as she tried to salvage the unsalvageable.

walking slowly I caught sight of her running up the stairs with a joyous laugh as she yelled over her shoulder 'i'll beat you to our room!'

going up the stairs I saw her vigorously brushing her teeth before scowling at me and saying 'not like that! you have to put your all into it or your breath will stink tomorrow! think of it as putting your all into tennis so you don't lose!'

turning I saw her standing in my doorway with a soft smile on her face as she looked into the room 'good morning little sister!'

walking into my room I saw her laying on my bed with her head hanging off of the edge as she listened to music and read a music book.

she had a frown on her face as she focused on the book before looking up at me as if I had said something.

the frown disappeared as she said loudly 'aw you know I love you, little sister! just do like I'm doing and follow your heart! it will always take you where you need to go!'

the tears flowed faster now, follow my heart is what she told me when she was alive.

but my heart will break with either choice I make.

if I chose to be myself I will hurt mother and possibly put Ryoma in a bad position, if I become koyumi then Ryoma will be hurt because his friend isn't being genuine.

I looked down at the ground and clenched my fists, why is everything so hard?

why can't I even make one simple decision?

dropping my bag to the floor I flopped onto my bed and curled up into a ball, willing myself to sleep so I didn't have to think anymore.