Behind The Mask

Chapter 4

"I would love to go to the Brooklyn Bridge," I tell E.J. as I fall down on the bed.

"Are you sure this will be okay? The double bed I mean? You don't find it weird?" E.J. asks as he rummages through his bag, packing things in an out, surely looking for something.

"I wouldn't have gotten this room if I wasn't okay with it. I would have kept looking," I answer.

Finding lodging in New York that's affordable is not exactly the easiest thing to do. They are either filled to capacity or no average person can even think about paying their crazy prices. New York might be a city where dreams can come true, but with the high prices I am pretty sure there's a few dead dreams waiting in a gutter someone as well.

"You never told me if you just ran away or left a note or something?" I say as I prop myself up against my pillow. You will never have an idea how good a bed feels until you have had a thirteen hour bus ride. It feels like heaven.

I check down to my phone as well, and true as form there is not one single missed call or text message waiting from my foster family. Maybe they are glad that they don't have to put up with my face anymore?

"They don't know yet," E.J. answers. "I send my mom a message early this morning saying that Chris really needed a friend so I'm going to stay there for a few days. It's not like she will find out soon. Chris doesn't text her all the time and my mom has never been as never-minded about me as now that she's married again and made another baby to boot."

He sounds bitter and I know the feeling. That feeling of disappearing into the world and nobody even noticing. What if we got killed? They would probably not even start a search for us until weeks later. That's how little we are actually loved in this world.

"Does it bother you? Your mom?" I ask. I know it would have bugged the hell out of me, but then again, my mom was my everything.

"Not as much," E.J. answers walking over to the bed and falling down next to me. I can see he has something in his hand. "In the beginning I thought everything was okay when she flew to come and get me in the hospital. She was my mom again. The one I knew before she got married to him. It was nice to have her there. To have her understand somehow. But when we got back home things changed so quickly. She went on with her life, and I couldn't help but feel like I was in the way all the time. I still feel like I am in the way actually. Like I can't be a part of her new life. I'm that constant reminder of her biggest mistake; James. I'm sure every time she looks at me she feels like she failed as a mother, and that's the one thing she doesn't like to be confronted with."

I want to take his hand again, but once again I am scared to do so. The bus was different. He leaned into me. I just want him to know that he is so much more than the remembrance of other peoples failures and mistakes.

"We've been fuckt up pretty good hey?" I say, trying to break the seriousness in the air a bit.

"Yeah... They really did a number on us, didn't they," E.J. replies as he stretches his hand out to mine. I allow my hand to open, expecting him to put something in my hand, but instead he drops something small into my palm.

"And this?" I say taking a close look at the ring he placed in my hand.

"Just something to say thank you. I was going to wait until your birthday, but now seemed like a good time," E.J. says as he falls back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling and avoiding my eyes. I know that behaviour way too well. That's how you act when you give someone something and you're not sure they will like it, and you'd rather look away for a moment to give them time to go through the emotion that will show on their face before they act like they love what you have given them.