Behind The Mask

Chapter 11

I knock on the bathroom door for the third time in an hour.

"E.J.?" I ask through the door again.

Since we came back from meeting Josh at the coffee shop he hasn't said a single word to me. Almost like he might be mad at me, and even though I know that he has a lot of information to process, I can't help but feel like he is mad at me for something.

"E.J. Please... It's been an hour and I'm getting worried," I say through the door again, feeling the panic rise in me as I start scratching my palm, which isn't something I would normally do. That's more E.J's way of coping with things.

"E.J... Please just answer me, I just need to know that you are okay," I say banging on the door once more, letting out a sigh and running my hand through my hair, pulling on it slightly.

I finally turn around again, heading for the bed when I hear the key turn in the lock and the door slowly opening to reveal E.J. standing there, his eyes puffy. Knowing that he must have been crying the whole time I walk over to him, my arms open to give him a hug, but he lifts u his arm, showing me his palm, silently telling me to stay away from him.

I let my arms fall to my side, trying my best to hide the disappointment on the side of my face that can still show it and step back until I feel the bed behind me before I sit down slowly, waiting for the impact of how much the meeting with Josh truly upset E.J.

"Did you talk to Josh without me knowing? Did you meet him before? Did you phone him?" E.J. asks and even though I can see tear stains on his face he looks furious, like he might be about to burst. The Charmander onesie that he has put on making him look even more fiery than what he already is.

"What? What are you talking about? I've been with you the whole time," I say, frowning, feeling the mask on my face move as I do so, tempting me to take the hard piece of plastic off my face.

"He spoke to you as if he knew something. Did you tell him about me kissing you?" E.J. demands again, this time he walks over to the door, leading out to the veranda and looking at the rain falling down in icy sheets once more.

"Seriously E.J... I have no idea what the hell you are talking about," I say ripping the mask of my face, having enough of that irritation and rather preferring to let the monster out than to sit with a smooth face and be fake at this point.

"About being in love with me! Having feelings for me!" E.J. yells, his voice echoing around me, as I sit back onto the bed, reaching out behind me to keep me from falling.

"I... I... I don't know what you're talking about," I say, but even as I say it I can feel the butterflies turning in my stomach, flapping their wings, making me want to vomit as I hear the words that reign way too real in my heart.

"Josh said you need to show me that you love me before I move on! This is bullshit Brody! It's bullshit! I can't deal with this shit right now!" E.J. yells again, pushing his hands into his hair and crouching down, pulling his head into his lap. "I don't want to be your fucking sex object okay? I just want to be your friend."

I push myself up on the bed, looking down at him, wanting everything to race over to him and take him into my arms.

"I'm straight," I say as calm as I possibly can. "I'm straight E.J. I'm just a straight guy on a road trip with his best friend. And even if I was in love with you... Even then... You deserve better than me."

I sigh as I fall back on the bed, not wanting to fight any longer. What does it matter what I feel inside in any case? It's not like I'm gonna be around long enough to really act on any of those feelings. In a few weeks from now E.J. would probably be standing at my grave, leaving me flowers. He will probably be the only one standing there. It's not like I made a whole lot of friends on the way.