Behind The Mask

Chapter 8

"I can't get over how cute you're looking in that onesie," I tell E.J. after the third time he has made some Charmander sounds while sporting his orange onesie.

"Aren't you supposed to be straight?" he asks with a giggle as he falls down on the bed next to me. My mom always used to say when I was little that the weather went into me when it was raining and that I got hyperactive. I guess the same applies for E.J.

"Yeah... But you're like a puppy and show me the straight or gay guy who is immune to the charm of a puppy," I answer trying my best not to think about the fact that I would probably pick him above any puppy I could get right now.

"You saying I'm a puppy?" E.J. says and he gives a small little bark or two demonstrating that he can really be a puppy.

It's times like this where I can't understand why he ever went through everything he went through. When I look at E.J. I want to protect him with everything in me. Keep this innocence that he still has at heart safe for as long as possible. I can't even comprehend someone wanting to hurt him, let alone rape him.

I don't answer him, checking the time on my phone to see when the pizza we ordered will finally be here. We have been waiting almost 20 minutes. I barely notice E.J. coming closer, giving another one of his barks in my ear and then licking my cheek like a dog would. That was enough to snap me out of my thoughts.

"Come here!" I shout, pouncing on him and pushing him into the bed while he laughs so hard that I'm scared he's going to stop breathing.

"What are you going to do?" he wheezes, and although I have no idea what I was going to do I know what I want to do at this moment. Him, just laying beneath me, not trying to get away, which in itself is a win for him that he's not even taking note of, makes me want to do something I have never wanted to actually do before. I want to stroke his face. I want to kiss him.

I breathe deeply, my smile long gone from my face, looking him in the eyes, and then before I can have second thoughts I bring my hand up and cradle his face, making him stop smiling, and turning his face against my hand. Almost nuzzling against it.

"E.J..." I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I want to kiss you," I say softly, still caressing his face. I need to make sure he would be okay with this. After what he has been through I cannot break his trust in me. I can never do that.

"Mmm," he answers, lifting himself up a little bit. His lips so close to mine that I can feel his breath.

Just as I am about to lean in and cross the last inch between our lips the knock on the door shakes through me, giving me the biggest fright of my life, which is saying something.

E.J. immediately pushes me back so hard that I almost fall of the bed. When I regain my balance he is sitting at the top of the bed on the pillows and staring out of the window at the rain still coming down outside.

The moment is broken and I am pretty sure that moments like these don't just appear every single day. Maybe it's a good thing that we didn't kiss. The last thing I want to do is toy with E.J.'s feelings if I am still planning to go through with my entire bucket list which is the most important things to me at this moment. There is number nine which would entail me having sex, something I could never expect E.J. to do again in his life. And then off course, the worst out of all of them is number ten. Ending it all. I wouldn't want E.J. to lose someone he might think he truly loves to suicide, and at the same time I would not want him to be in love with me while I stay alive. He deserves someone with an intact face at the very least. He deserves better than me.

"Yeah?" I say as I open the door to the pizza delivery guy standing in front of the door.

I barely greet him or give him time to talk as I shove a twenty in his hand.