Behind The Mask

Chapter 9

When you have been through many things in life you get to the point where the biggest obstacles suddenly look really small to you. And then, just as you think that whatever happens it can't make you react or feel any worse than you have ever felt, you are standing in front of a blue door, getting ready to knock and meet a person that will take all your strength not to murder.

"I don't know if I can do this," E.J. says looking at me like a little puppy that has been kicked. I know he wants me to tell him to turn around, but I have been thinking quite a lot. Maybe he needs this just as much as I need this trip. Maybe this is his version of the tenth sentence on my bucket list.

"Would you be able to go on with this trip if you turn around now?" I ask, and without planning it at all, I take his hand, snaking my fingers through his, wishing that I can in some way give him some of my strength and courage.

E.J. looks down at our hands and gives it a little push, making butterflies erupt in my stomach, the fear of him pulling back gone at once.

"I have to do this," he says with determination edged on his face, turning back to the door and pushing the button that rings through the house.

"Who's there?" a voice sounds over the intercom atop the door.

"Ken? Kendell?" E.J. says in little more than a whisper, holding in the intercom button. I push his hand again, making sure he knows I am right next to him.

"Yes?" the voice says. "Who is this?"

The voice sounds irritated, but E.J. must somehow be really determined to meet this long lost step uncle of his since he continues talking.

"You don't know me... My name is E.J. and I... I kinda knew your brother..."

I can feel E.J. starting to shake and I can't help to wish we never came to New York in the first place. We should have rather just hopped on a plane to the UK or something.

"I don't have a brother," Ken answers from the other side of the intercom. "My brother's dead."

I can't stop myself. I move in front of E.J. and press the button in, taking a deep breath and I start talking.

"We know. E.J. was there when James blew his brains out. He's James' stepchild, and he desperately needs just a few minutes of your time please... Your brother was an asshole and with your help E.J. might be able to go on with his life without the memories of what your brother has done," I say. As I let go of the button I turn to E.J. who has gone pure white in the face. I try to smile, but it's like my facial muscles doesn't want to work. Like the fake smile I am trying to conjure is as impossible as making horses fly.

"Five minutes, and then the two of you better leave," the voice says and the buzzer unlocks the door which we push open just to walk into an incredibly small inside garden that weirdly smells of bleach.

"You didn't have to do that," E.J. whispers as he pulls his hand from mine, breaking our connection and making me feel like I did everything wrong and should have just left him to do his own thing.

"I'm sorry... It just seemed that you needed some help," I answer, wanting very much to take his hand again but keeping myself from doing so. If he wants my hand in his he knows where I am. He has been forced into affection one too many times without me trying to do the exact same thing to him.

A man opens the actual front door as it seems, walking out to meet us and keeping E.J. from answering me, leaving us in silence between the plants that now seems to be almost dead thanks to the lack of sunlight in the room, or maybe because I am suspecting that they might be watered with bleach that might be killing them.