Dumbass dairy of a fuck up

Feelings

Feelings suck like they full of suck...I'm in love with my boyfriend but he makes me so mad and upset sometimes and then goes and bitches about me behind my back I can't leave him I can't leave him at all, everyone's telling me to but I can't I love him. I know I've done wrong but I've said sorry so many times and I've blamed myself so many times for our problems and he won't own up to the fact that he's done wrong..I love him with all my heart and it sucks so much that I have all theses feelings for him and he doesn't know how much I love him, how many people have told me to leave him, how much I cry at night becuase I can't cope knowing that he doesn't love me back like I've done everything for him and I've changed so much so I could be "perfect" for him and he never even compliments me at all...this is where feeling come in...I'm crushing hard on another guy...he's so sweet and he says that my body is perfect and the best thing is

He only lives an hour away from me...he's 16 and he's so cute too...it sucks being so in love with one guy that's far away and treats me like shit and then crushing so hard on the sweetest guy...and I don't even know if he would go out with me...ugh why are boys such a problem for me...do I stay or do i go?

It's so fucking hard I've even thought of jus killing myself because it's getting to hard and I can't cope anymore

I've giving up on recovery, I want to cut, I want to burn and I want to give up...