Dumbass dairy of a fuck up

Bored

I'm going to Queensland in two weeks
I'm in class bored out of my mind and I still have a few hours left of this hell ugh

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I just went back to read some of the things I wrote
God I was such an idiot
Me and my ex are well kinda in a thing..I love him he loves me...( he says he does anyway ) but I just feel like he doesn't want it and is only saying it to make me happy..but I'm not happy the not knowing is the worst. I don't know what to do I feel like crap and I want to die
20-12-14 the day I was meant to commit
It's been a set date for almost two years...I promised this date would be my last if he ever leave and I didn't get better..I'm so done
This world isn't for me
Those who I want and like are so far away and those I don't want are to close
I'm going to shut myself off on the first day of year 9 ( if I make it )
I can't handle life
I thinking of changing schools, moving to one closer to home..meet new people..stuff like that..
I'm so sorry I still love kale...more than anything. After everything that happened between us
It's been over 3 months I should have moved on but I didn't I love him and I need him...I honestly think he's the one...you can't just go though that my bullshit and still stand by someone's side and be happy for them you can't just be there every time they cry and not love them
I love him
He made me happy and still does sometimes
I'll leave him when I'm dead or he pushes me away to the point I can't come back...
Love is a weird thing....I've got a few days to pick if I wanna stay or go
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Everyone has that someone special...someone they can tell everything to..it could be a boyfriend/girlfriend, a best friend, internet friends..but me? No I've got nothing...and when I say nothing I mean it..I know people care about me and I know they love me and this may be selfish but I want someone to be all mine someone I can tell everything to...
I just want something