Dumbass dairy of a fuck up

School

Okay so in less than a week I'm back at school and I'm so just pissed, last year I came into high school with a boyfriend and now he's gone and he was like my support he told me to ask for help at school and that got me a chance to see a Psychogiest so I'm overly grateful to him for starting my first year of high school so well, but he fucked it up by cheating 6+ times while I was there...such a whore..but anyway, I like someone and I don't think he likes me back but he used to and I'm really hoping old feelings will come back and he will ask me out..I miss his hugs so damn much omg >.<. But yeah anyway I'm like half and half on this school thing and yeah :( I miss the support and love my ex gave me...
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Second day back at school..god I feel like shit
All holidays the only thing on my mind was death and it still is!
But now I cant talk to anyone about it really since I don't want my ex in my life anymore...piece of shit telling me about being in a relationship like who the fuck do you think you are, fucking lead me on tell me lies brake my damn heart because you love me right? Mhm bullshit mate I hope you get shot ..or at least think about the fact I'm probs the only chick that would still want to go half way around the damn world just to see you oh and did I mention still wanting to do that after 6+ times of cheating , constant lying, broken promises ect ect I think not...idiot..I wish he could just drop all contact with his "Aussie friends" but fuck him he never listened to me why the fuvk should I care about him? You wanna know why? Because he was the only person I opened up to and it's fucked me up with being honest and now I probs have an ED
Just look at my Insta account my recent body check
xfuck.wonderland
I hate myself so much and honestly I don't trust myself anymore I know I'm clean and all that but I feel like I'm gonna have a snap soon and I'll have to talk to someone before it happens or I could die or just run away...
My friend knew something was up yesterday it was kinda scary because I just want to brake down and start crying all day
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Today in Sunday and I've been left home alone..the bad thing about me being home alone is I'll eat to much and I ate well 400+ cals already and I'm scared about me weight so I look at all these tips..you know ones about throwing up..well one of them said to swallow a tablespoon of rock salt and a litre of warm water then wait 10mins and it will come up..well I did it and now I'm siting on my bathroom floor having to feeling to puke..if only I didn't eat to much I'd be fine right now but no I always over eat and now look at me, worthless fat fuck. I'm going for a run after I clean myself up
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So I talked to my school today and my step mums being called, they're trying to stop an ED before it happens but yeah I feel like shit that's it honestly
I still have no wifi at home and that's annoying as fuck but meh
I'm just bored tired and hungry.
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I can't even do homework
I went 50 something cals over my limit and almost started crying cus noddles we like 300+ cals and I really want to eat it but I ended up having like 10 chips
Tomorrow is the second day of the ABC diet and I'm hopefully gonna go under and not over this time