The Guardian

Chapter Seven

"Julianna?" asked Seth as he entered her cubicle. "I'm admitting you to a ward. I want you to stay overnight for observation. If everything goes well, you'll be released from the hospital tomorrow."

"Okay. Did you talk to Allyson?"

"Yes, I did. She said to tell you that Josie got home all right, but she was very worried about you. She missed her curfew because she'd been looking for you."

"Poor Josie. I got separated from her when Jason started talking to me. She was leaving me room to talk to him. She knew how big a crush I had on him."

He looked sympathetic. "He wasn't worth your interest."

Julianna smiled ruefully. "So I found out."

"Jules, when we changed you into a gown we noticed that you have several scars on your body."

She turned red and looked away from him.

"Are you cutting yourself?"

She wouldn't look at him.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, but it is something that we need to address. How would you feel about talking to someone about your feelings?"

"I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm not a freak."

"I'm not saying that you are. But cutting yourself is a coping mechanism, and talking to someone will teach you new coping mechanisms, ones that will be less harmful to you than cutting is."

"I just cut to relieve the pressure. It makes me feel better." She picked at a loose thread on the blanket as she refused to look at Seth.

"I understand, but it isn't a sustainable way of dealing with your emotions. Having someone to talk to is better."

"I don't know." As much as she liked Dr. Seth, she didn't want to talk about her cutting. "I'll think about it."

"How about Dr. Asher comes up and talks to you while you're in the hospital, and you can decide then whether it would be a good idea to continue to see him after you're released?"

"Dr. Asher?"

"Yeah, I know", he smiled. "You're being run over with Ashers lately, aren't you? Dr. Asher is another one of my uncles. He's Dr. Michael Asher, and he's a very good psychiatrist. I have talked to him many times myself. He's incredibly understanding."

"I don't know." She played with the edge of her blankets. Out of shame, she still refused to look at him.

"Would you do it for me? I'm worried about you."

She thought for a moment as she played with the blankets a little more. "Okay, I guess I could", she said. She wondered why she was agreeing to something that she so desperately didn't want to do.

Seth let out a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you", he said as a smile lit his face.

She paused. She still couldn't face him, and she still looked ashamed. Seth waited for her to speak. He probed her emotions and could tell that she was scared, could tell that she was worried that his uncle would declare her insane. He didn't know how to soothe her. "I spoke to a psychiatrist a few years ago, and she told me that my guardian angel was a figment of my imagination", she said finally.

He smiled. "And he might be. I think that's something you need to work out with Uncle Michael."

She fiddled with her blanket for another minute as she thought furiously. "Will he put me on medication to stop me from hearing my guardian angel?"

He sat on the edge of her bed. "I doubt he'll do that, unless it's your guardian angel telling you to cut yourself. Is he?"

Julianna looked up, startled. "No! In fact, before he stopped talking to me he'd often beg me not to."

"You've been cutting yourself a long time."

"Yes." She dropped her gaze again and worried a thread on the blanket by smoothing it flat before gently tugging it again.

"If your guardian angel isn't telling you to cut yourself, and if you still aren't hearing your guardian angel speak, I can't see that Uncle Michael will put you on medication. However, that's something to discuss between you and him. I know, however, that I personally wouldn't put you on medication if I was the doctor talking to you."

She wiped a terrified tear from her eye. "Can't you just be my doctor? You're easy to talk to."

Seth smiled. "Thank you. However, I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm an emergency physician. You need to talk to a psychiatrist to get better support."

She caught her lip between her teeth and gnawed for a moment. "I don't want him to tell me I'm nuts."

"I don't think he'll say that. In fact, if he says that I want you to come back and talk to me again, and I'll talk to him on your behalf. Would that be acceptable?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Okay. Will I ever see you again?"

Seth grinned. "Hopefully not, because if you did it likely means that you're back here in Emergency. However, you never know. You could get a job as a waitress and I could come into the restaurant and see you. Stranger things have happened."

"I'd like to see you again. I feel comfortable with you, like you're a safe person."

Seth smiled as he stood and moved to the end of the bed. "I'm glad you feel that way. I have to go. My shift is over soon, and you'll be moved to a ward in a few minutes. Take care of yourself, and give Uncle Michael a chance. He's a good doctor."

"I will." She shut her eyes as a wave of nausea overtook her. By the time she opened her eyes again, Seth had disappeared.