The Guardian

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Julianna handed Seth a copy of her resumé and cover letter as they got to Michael's office. "You don't have to do this", she said shyly, a bit worried about the quality and not wanting him to look down on her for her lack of experience.

"I don't mind", said Seth. He smiled at her bracingly as he read her discomfort on her face. "I've written a few cover letters and resumés in my time, and it's always good to have as many people as you can review your work."

"Thanks", she said as Michael came out of the inner office.

"Are you ready?" asked Michael with a smile.

"I am", said Julianna. "I have my draft resumé and cover letter for you to review." She handed the copy to him.

"Excellent. How are you feeling about needing to move out of the group home and about needing to get a job?" He shut the door of his inner office behind them and walked in with her file in his hand.

"Better. Seth took me to the paint store yesterday and we picked out paint for my room. It's exciting." She grinned as she bounced a little on her seat. "I haven't ever had a room of my own before. Seth bought me bed linens as well. He said it was an early birthday present. I feel kind of bad, though. He's been so nice to me. He spent so much money."

"People being nice to you makes you feel bad?" He sat down and put the file containing her resumé down on the table beside him.

"Yes. I don't deserve people being nice to me." She snapped her elastic a few times.

"How come? You're a nice person yourself. You try hard to help others. You work hard. Why don't you deserve people being nice to you?"

"I don't know." She looked down as her desire to believe him warred with her inability to see herself as worthy.

"You need to challenge that thought. You have the thought, that's true. However, you can't come up with any proof for that thought and, because there's no evidence to support it, you need to question whether the thought is accurate."

"I know that I don't have any evidence of it, but I believe it's true." She looked up at him in supplication, in body language begging him for help in making her believe in herself.

He looked at her earnestly. "That doesn't make it true. Children believe whole-heartedly that there's a Santa Claus but, when they get older, they find out there is no proof. They find out that the belief in Santa isn't true and they have to adjust their thinking. You also have a belief, but there's no evidence that says that your belief is valid. Now you have to adjust your belief so that it reflects reality."

She thought about what he said before returning to her habitual thought, her habitual argument, unable to let her negative and unsupportive thoughts go. "I'm unworthy. That's reality."

"No, that's your belief. Just like it's my belief that you are highly worthy of everything good in life. The difference between your belief and my belief is that I have proof for mine. You've provided no proof for your belief. Yours is the null hypothesis. Now you have to prove that hypothesis wrong."

"I can't", she cried, frustrated with herself.

"Yes, you can. Tell me why the hypothesis that you're an unworthy person is wrong. Think of this like a science experiment."

"I don't know." She thought about it for a moment while Michael waited. "I guess I work hard."

"Yes, you do", he said immediately. "You work very hard and you should be rewarded for that. You should be rewarded more than through marks. Why else are you worthy?"