The Guardian

Chapter Seventeen

"How did you cut yourself?" asked Allyson as she bandaged Julianna's shoulder. "Did one of the other girls do this to you?" She sounded furious.

"No. I did this to myself", said Julianna as her face went red.

"Why?" asked Allyson as she paused in bandaging the wound for a second.

"It makes me feel better."

Allyson started bandaging the cut again. "This will need stitches."

"I know. That's why I came down. I was about to call Michael and ask him to drive me to the hospital."

"Does Michael know you cut yourself?"

"He does. That's why I'm seeing him. Dr. Seth thought it would be a good idea because he said that I had to learn new ways of dealing with my emotions."

"It sounds like Dr. Seth is a smart doctor." She helped Julianna put her hoody on again.

"I guess he is. That's why I'm wearing the elastic on my wrist. Michael said that snapping the elastic will help me not cut myself."

"Is it working?" Allyson reached into her rolodex and pulled out Michael's number.

"It worked a bit. But Josie turned over in her sleep and moaned, and she startled me tonight. My hand slipped and I cut myself too deep."

"I'm glad you're seeing Michael if this is the way you're expressing your emotions. You know that you can talk to me at any time, right? Even if it's the middle of the night, I'd rather be woken to talk to you about how you're feeling than be woken to arrange a ride to the hospital."

She dialed in the number for Michael and told him what had happened. He said that he would be by to pick Julianna up in fifteen minutes.

"I know that you'd have talked to me. I just needed to cut myself. I can't describe why. I just needed to."

Allyson gathered Julianna into a hug. "Jules, you're so hard on yourself. You need to learn to love yourself and, when you do, you'll no longer need to cut yourself. This isn't a sustainable behaviour."

"That's what Dr. Seth said. He said that eventually I wouldn't be able to cut myself deeply enough or frequently enough to satisfy the desire. He said that I needed to deal with it before the desire to cut grew even stronger."

"I think he's right. How did he find out that you cut yourself?"

"I was changed into a gown when I was in the hospital. He noticed the cuts on my legs."

"Do you usually cut your legs then? I guess that's why I never see you in a pair of shorts, even when it's really hot out."

"I do. Cuts there are less noticeable than on my arms."

"I'm glad Dr. Seth noticed." She looked outside the front window. "Michael's here."

Julianna picked up her purse and followed Allyson to the front hall. Allyson opened the door before Michael had a chance to ring the doorbell. "I'd like to see your cut", said Michael. Allyson led him into her office, and Julianna took off her hoody to show Michael.

"That's a good one", said Michael. "It needs at least a couple of sutures, if not three or four. Have you lost a lot of blood?"

"Yes", said Julianna. "I cut myself about an hour ago, and the cut hasn't stopped bleeding."

"Then it definitely needs sutures. Let's go." He waited until Julianna left the room. "You need to search her room", said Michael to Allyson. "She needs to have all knives taken away from her."