The Guardian

Chapter Ten

Seth sat at the side of Julianna's bed. He wanted to hold her hand, to reassure her that everything would be okay. But he couldn't do it. He was tempting fates by even being in her room. He would have some things to answer for at the next council meeting.

But he couldn't be sorry for the amount that he had interfered in Julianna's life. She was hurting, and he was hurting watching her. He didn't know how much longer she could hold out before something snapped. And he didn't know how much longer he could hold out before he snapped as well. He was a guardian, not a goddamned superhero.

He thought about superheroes. They mustn't care about the people who they were looking after, he thought. It broke him a little more every time he saw or sensed that Julianna was upset and he couldn't help her. He wondered if Clark Kent broke a little more each time when Lois Lane was in trouble.

He blanked his mind and entered Julianna's dreams. "I thought you weren't coming", said Julianna. She was sitting amongst the daisies in the field behind her school. "I thought you were tired of looking after me."

"I'll never get tired of looking after you", said Seth with a smile. "That's my job. I'm your guardian."

"I met your uncle today."

"Which one?"

"Two of them, actually. I met a police officer and a psychiatrist."

"And what did you think?"

"I think they'll help me."

"I think so as well."

"Are they really your uncles?"

"I don't know. This is your dream."

"Why do you only come to me in my dreams? Why don't you come to me in person?"

"Didn't I come to you in person the other night? Remember – beating up Jason?"

"That was you? I thought you were just in my dreams."

"I told you I'd always be there for you and I meant it. I'm there for you now as well. Just like I was the other night. I'm your guardian, and looking after you is what I do."

"How come I don't remember my mother?"

"You were traumatized, seeing your mother die like that. Your brain doesn't remember, because it's too difficult for you to process what happened. That isn't a bad thing. Your brain is protecting you."

"I want to remember."

"And you will, when you're strong enough."

"It's been fourteen years. Why aren't I strong enough now?"

"I don't know and it's not my position to question things. You'll remember when you're good and ready."

"What happens if I never remember?"

"Then you never remember and that's okay. There isn't anything wrong with that."

"I feel like my mother deserves more."

"Your mother was a good mother. I'm sure, if she was alive, she would understand why your memories of how she died were so painful to you that you had to bury them."

"And everything that reminds me of her?"

"Yes."

"That's what bothers me the most. Not that I can't remember her death, but that I can't remember her at all."

"I know. But you may remember her later in life. It may not be until you have your own children, or it may be a particular event that will remind you, or when you smell a particular fragrance. But whatever the trigger, you may remember later in life."

"Did you know me when I was younger?"

"No. The first time I met you was when your mother died. I told you then that I was your guardian, and I told you that I'd always be there to protect you."

"Why didn't you stop my mother from being murdered?"

"I tried, but her carotid artery was severed and she bled out before I got to her."

Julianna shivered. "I don't want to remember."

"You don't have to. That's why your brain won't let you remember. It knows that it isn't ready for that."

"Why can't you introduce yourself to me?"

"That goes against the rules. I'll eventually be able to introduce myself, and when I do you'll understand why I couldn't introduce myself sooner. Until I can, I'll only come to you in your dreams."

"And when I'm in trouble."

"Yes, and when you absolutely need it."

"Why don't you speak to me any longer? Half the medical staff at this hospital thinks I'm insane because I've been talking to you."

"No, they don't. But if I continued to talk to you, you would suspect you're insane and you'd sign yourself up for medication you don't need."

"Is the psychiatrist a good one?"

"He's the best."

"So, I should work with him?"

"Yes, you should. He'll help you."

"Are you the doctor in the ER when I came into the hospital?"

"Dr. Seth Asher?"

"Yes. Are you Dr. Asher?"

"Do you think Dr. Asher can come to you in your dreams?"

"He's very cute."

"But he's old. Too old for you. Look for a nice boy in grade twelve, not someone who has graduated from medical college."

"Okay. You're drifting away. Come back."

"No. You need to rest now. Take care of yourself."

"I will. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart."

Seth smiled as he felt Julianna slip deeper into sleep, as she left her dreams behind. He stood and kissed her on her forehead, then turned and walked out of the room.