Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part five

A/N: Happy Saturday

Perrie:

I felt sick. The kind of sick where the world spins and you feel cold sweat all over. The kind of sick that comes with harboring secrets. My knee bounced uncontrollably as I watched Jade pick out movies for us to watch on the large flat screen that took up the hotel wall opposite my bed.

Jade spent a few more minutes intently staring at the screen before she made a satisfied nod and turned towards me where she stopped dead.

"God Perrie, are you okay? You look like your about to cry" Jade spoke gently as she moved slowly towards me, as if any quick movements when send me into a crying mess.

When she reached me, I grabbed a hold of her hands and tugged her onto the bed beside me so that our knees were touching. The contact seemed to ground me, I took a deep, steadying breath and looked up at her.

The air was knocked out of my lungs as I took in her features. God she was just ethereal, a literal goddess on earth. Suddenly the magnitude of what I was going to do struck me and I couldn't help the tears that began to well up in my eyes.

"Pezza, baby shsss, it's okay. Whatever it is tell me, let me help you. Please" she said the last word almost like she was pleading with me.

I averted my eyes from her's, if I was going to do this. If I was finally going to do this, I couldn't look at her.

"You were right earlier Jade, when you said you felt like I was holding things in" my voice came out as barely a whisper. I cleared my throat, still avoiding her eyes.

"There's been something I've been going through, probably since Zayn and I split. Maybe even before that"

Jade tugged on my hands as if to bring me closer "Baba, why would you keep something to yourself for that long?"

"Jade please, just let me get this out" I see her nod her head so I continue.

"I think it's probably always been there but it didn't really matter, I mean Zayn was the first serious relationship I was ever in, but now it's kind of an issue again" I took another deep breath. This is it. I looked upwards for a moment, please god don't let this change anything. Please.

"I- um, I" hot tears began to fall down my face but I knew if I didn't say it now I never would.

"I like girls Jade" there was a long pause, "I'm bi" I added on just so there was no confusion.

The silenced stretched before us. I knew it,I fucking knew it. I shook my head slightly, thank god that was all I had revealed. How could I be so stupid.

I was vaguely aware that we were still holding hands, so I pulled mine away and stood from the bed. Even the mere contact of our knees was making me feel sick. I turned away from the bed and willed away the tears that were falling.

I cleared my throat "I just wanted you to know" my voice sounded so vulnerable and small, I hated it. "You can go now.....please go" I whispered. It was taking everything within me not to break down completely.

Finally, I heard movement behind me. Great she was actually leaving. You told her to leave you idiot, a voice in my head said.

I shivered as I felt a hot breath hit the back of my neck "Did you really think your sexuality would change how I see you Perrie".

"Well- um...I-no?" I asked, almost as a question. Shame started to settle in my stomach as Jade embraced me from behind, wrapping her arms around my waist. How could I think that she would care about wether I fancied guys or girls, or in my case both. Neither of us spoke, both content to look out over the London skyline wrapped up in each other.

After a few moments she pressed a featherlight kiss to my shoulder, the action jolted me back to the dream I had experienced this morning. A flash of light kisses being placed on my bare shoulders as tanned arms held me securely within them.

"Come on baba, let's just cuddle" Jade approaches the bed and jumped in while she held the covers open for me. I smiled and slid in beside her. She gently kissed my forehead and turned me on my side so she was spooning me from behind. After a few minutes she spoke, I should have known she'd have more to say.

"I'm honored that you've trusted me with this Pez, it's clearly hard for you. I just wish you felt comfortable coming to me before this"

I closed my eyes for a minute, keeping quite.

"Can I ask why you decided to tell me today?"

I began to trace mindless patterns on the arm that Jade had lazily wrapped around my waist, finding comfort in the feel of her soft skin beneath my fingertips.

"It's been awhile since anyone has brought Zayn up, until today in the radio interview". I guess I was really doing this. "When I was with him I never felt like me, y'know? I always felt like Zayn's girlfriend or Zayn's fiancé, but never Perrie." I felt jade tighten her hold around me.

"After we split up I thought I would never get over it, not because I had lost him but because when we were together I had lost myself. I never want to feel like that again"

I couldn't help the tears that silently fell down my cheeks. It was hard to admit the depth of despair I was feeling.

"But that's how I feel now Jade. I'm bi, it's not a big deal right? Except that it is, I've never even kissed a girl. How am I ment to work out how I feel while being who I am. The media would destroy me if I came out. Zayn's ex the lesbian" I chuckled bitterly.

"No girl is going to want to come near me, what can I offer her. Secrecy and being hounded by the press. What if I come out and then figure out I don't even like girls like that. It would destroy little mix"

Jade tugged on my waist until I was facing her, no longer able to hide the tears that were tracking down my face. "But baby it's destroying you and we can't have that either".

She gently stroked my tears away, I looked up at her and was taken aback as she held a look in her eyes I had never seen before. She leaned forward so that our foreheads touched. What was she doing? She was so close now that I could feel her breath hit the top of my lip.

She leaned in, closed the distance between us and paused as if giving me the opportunity to back out. Was she mad, I had been waiting for this since I first laid eyes on her. She slowly licked her lips and with a soft groan her sweet plump lips met mine.

My mind fogged over as my hand tangled in her hair.

A ringing in my ears as she ran her fingers down my spin.

My senses engulfed in Jade, Jade, Jade.

A/N: Hi everyone, hope your all enjoying the story. The longest chapter I've written so far, as always your feedback is appreciated. Ask me anything you want to know. Love Èalú