Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part twenty-seven

Jade:

I twisted my engagement ring around my right hand as I sat in the Uber leaving the airport. Jed had just boarded a flight back to the US for another month to finish up his tour. I looked down at my ring. Engaged. It was hard to wrap my head around. It wasn't that I was unhappy or anything like that, I just always thought I would feel differently about getting married. My phone beeped pulling my attention to the screen. It was our little mix group chat.

Leigh- Can we do lunch today, I NEED to start planning this wedding
Jesy- You do realize its not you getting married right?
Me- I would be so up for lunch. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages
Leigh- That's because your fiancé has been hogging all your attention over the past week
Jesy- I'll be there, just name a time and place
Perrie- Sorry I can't make it.

I frowned while reading the messages. I had no idea what to do about Perrie. The guilt I felt about how I had treated her seemed to compound every time I looked at her. I rubbed my temples, my head ached when I thought about it.

I had messed up, I knew that, but the reality was Perrie and I never stood a chance. Jed and I could have a life together. Perrie deserved the chance to meet someone who could offer her the same. My only regret was that she believed her feelings were one sided. What was she ment to think, a voice in my head pipped up, all your actions did was show her you didn't care.

Falling in love with her had been the easy part, admitting to myself that it had happened was the hard bit. It was doomed from the start, the best thing to do had been to break things off. Give Perrie a chance to grieve and then, somehow, re-build our friendship. What I wasn't expecting was for Jed to propose while Perrie stood watching. I wanted to call and check on her but I knew she wouldn't want to speak to me. I had hurt her too much.

I felt a weight in my stomach that I couldn't shake. A bad feeling that gnawed at my gut. I picked my phone up and pulled up her contact quickly while hitting the call button. As expected it went straight to voicemail.

'Uh hi Pez, it's me. I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now and I understand that. I just wanted to make sure your okay. I uh- I guess I'll see you soon. Take care'

I disconnected the call feeling worse than before. How had I gotten us into this mess? Grabbing my phone again I quickly text Jesy asking her to meet me at the apartment before we went for lunch. When it came to Perrie, my last few interactions with Jesy had been less than pleasant. I knew she was angry about the way I had treated Pez and honestly she had every right to be. 'What a mess you've made' I muttered to myself as I stepped from the Uber and towards my apartment door.

- - - -
I wasn't home long before Jesy showed up. The air seemed thicker than usual between us.

"Hey" I awkwardly smiled as I pulled the door closed behind her.

"How are you?"

"I'm good" Jesy answered, glancing around as she did. "Is Jed gone back to America?"

"Oh ya he left this morning"

"Good" Jesy said, causing me to look at her confused.

"Look I'm only going to say this once Jade but are you sure about this?"

"Sure about what?" I questioned.

"About getting married, about choosing Jed over Perrie"

I flinched at Jesy's bluntness. Trust her to get straight to the point.

"Perrie and I will never work" I said, choosing my words carefully. "Jed is my boyfriend and I love him"

Jesy looked at me intensely.

"And Perrie?"

"Do you love Perrie?"

I cast my eyes down. I had made my choice and now I was going to have to live with it.

"I'm not trying to guilt you Jade but Perrie isn't doing too great" Jesy ran her hand down her face, looking stressed. "She won't let me into the apartment. She only answers her texts once in a blue moon. I'm worried that she won't be able to manage in the band after what's happened between you"

"Jess I never ment to hurt her" I cried, feeling the weight of my treatment of Perrie crash over me. "I know she's not doing well now but Pez is strong, she'll be okay. She deserves someone better than me"

"Perrie seems to think there's no one better than you" Jesy puffed out a breath.

"Are we okay Jess?" I cautiously asked.

She gave me a small smile.

"I don't like what you did Jade, but your still my sister and I still love you"

Jesy gave me a one armed squeeze and then pulled away.

"We better go meet Leigh so she can start planning this wedding" Jesy teased while rolling her eyes.

I laughed along with her, it wouldn't be the same without Perrie there but I had the sinking feeling I was going to have to get used to life without Perrie.

- - - -

The table Leigh-Anne had chosen in the restaurant was situated near the back where we were less likely to be noticed. It was a good thing too as Leigh had brought stacks and stacks of wedding magazines.

"Wow, way to be subtle Leigh" Jesy laughed while giving her a kiss on the cheek and sliding into a seat across from me.

"Whatever, it could be me getting married" Leigh defended while I laughed at their behaviour.

The empty chair at the table was a stark reminder of Perrie's absence. It didn't feel right, the three of us together without her. I felt a dull ache in my chest at the thought of her alone and upset at home.

"Jade" Jesy waved a hand in front of my face, obviously trying to get my attention.

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

Leigh-Anne looked at me amused. "Where was your mind gone?"

I fiddled absentmindedly with my napkin.

"I was just thinking about Perrie, it doesn't really feel right to be here without her, does it?"

Jesy cast her eyes down, suddenly very interested in her coffee.

"Actually" Leigh pipped up. "I wanted to speak to you both about Pez. I'm pretty worried about her. Have you noticed how down she's been lately?"

I glanced across the table at Jesy, who was still staring intently at her coffee cup.

"Uh ya, I guess she's been a bit down"

Leigh-Anne looked at me frowning.

"She's lost a load of weight too" Leigh continued. "Have you honestly not noticed?"

I tried not to roll my eyes. Of course I had noticed she had lost weight, I was the one seeing her without her clothes on for God's sake.

"Maybe we could all call around and have a chat with her?" I suggested carefully, not sure how Jesy would react.

She lifted her head up to look at me, a small frown on her face.

"Maybe if we all go together she'll feel more supported" I continued, making eye contact with Jesy. She finally nodded.

"Great" Leigh said. "Why don't we call to her apartment tomorrow, she said she wasn't free today so there's probably not much point going there now"

I nodded my head. I didn't bother pointing out that Perrie was more than likely avoiding me and that's why she wasn't around today. I would see her tomorrow and make sure she was okay. It was time for me to show Perrie that I cared.

I could still fix this.