Even lovers drown (Jerrie)

Part twenty-three

A/N: This is definitely not my best work but these things happen 🙊 Enjoy loves xx

Perrie:

Jade,

My heartache has drained me, until I have nothing left, no more tears will come, no matter how much I try. I feel raw. I replay my confession again and again in my mind. It haunts me,like an never ending echo in my mind. My appetite has dwindled to nothing. I can't move from my bed. The curtains stay closed. I don't want to see life move on outside. How can people continue as if nothing has happened, don't they see my world has crumbled.

Yesterday I saw you for the first time since I told you I loved you. You looked even more beautiful, how is that possible? When I close my eyes I dream of warm brown, of mornings spent wrapped in sheets, of chaste kisses placed on bare shoulders. But that's not a dream, it's a memory and that's what taunts me. I had you and it was beautiful. Now your gone and I am consumed with missing you. Your smile, your laugh, the sound of your voice. I need them like I need air to breath. I am drowning. Drowning in my love for you.

Forever yours,
Perrie x

- - -

Sunday rolled in with heavy rain and, on my part, a heavy heart. Our week off was officially over tomorrow and I was no closer to moving on from Jade's rejection than pigs were to flying. I had blocked out the outside world, only answering my phone to my mum and Jesy. I couldn't explain to Jesy the depth of despair I felt, I couldn't even explain it to myself.

I hadn't known it at the time but the more in love with Jade I fell the less able I was to be her friend. That was the truth that I had come to in my week of solitude.

I did not want to be Jade Thirlwall's friend.

I wanted to be so much more than her friend and that was what scared me. Little mix was based on friendship, how would the group survive now that I had selfishly gone and messed with the group dynamics by falling in love with Jade.

I sat in my sitting room, staring out the window at the rain pouring down. I was surprised to hear the door bell ring. It was probably Jesy, rising to my feet I made my way to the door, opening it without checking the peephole.

"Hi"

I felt like all the aid had been knocked out of me. I clung onto the door frame to steady myself.

"So are you going to let me in or?"

I stepped aside, still not trusting myself to speak, her arm brushed by me as she passed eliciting a shiver. I followed her in silence into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here Jade"

Her smile faltered slightly.

"I just wanted to check in, see how you are?"

She ran her hands along the kitchen table. A memory of Jade and I naked on the table flashed before me eyes, I shook my head trying to focus.

"How I am?" I repeated.

"Yes Perrie, how you are?" She smiled kindly at me "just because I'm not in love with you doesn't mean your not still my best friend"

She walked towards me, reaching forward and tucking some stray hairs behind my ear. I couldn't help but close my eyes as she traced my jaw with her finger.

"I-I'm Okay" I stuttered. I hated that she could still have this effect on me, it made me feel weak.

"Why don't we have some Jerrie time?" She asked, removing her hand from my face. "Watch a movie or something?"