Matty Healy // i think we've done it all

cold dinners

the next day once i arrived at work to see marina and carmen i smiled. they looked perfect, debra couldn't be disappointed.
"hey girls!" i smiled clapping my hands
"my boss will be here soon so we should get you ready!"
"aren't you a model?" marina asked in an american accent
"yeah but i deal with the new girls. debra is ... more refined"
"i still can't believe we got scouted i'm just ... this is what ive always wanted" carmen gushed.

i smiled, they were the same age as me and willing to work. we walked over to jake and got their headshots taken. i briefed them on how to act around debra and when she entered i shot them a thumbs up. i was sure they'd be fine. she smiled back at me showing she was pleased. i watched the girls work, they were naturals. a little awkward at first but who wouldn't be with a camera thrust in your face. as soon as they got over the initial shock they were good.

"good job" debra said into my ear. i nodded. it felt good to be praised, especially by her. she never gave out praise unless you did her dirty work. which i did. often. but i knew i'd done her proud with marina and carmen. they were beautiful
"where's gabby today?" i asked my boss
"she had a personal day booked for weeks"
"oh" was all i could say. i missed her.

jake shot his winning grin at me and once he'd done the photos he walked over
"you did well maya!"
"thankyou jakey" i smiled back. today he was dressed in black skinny jeans and black t-shirt, with black doc martins. i sighed. he looked like matty, he looked good.
"hey are you okay?" he said his fingers trailing my jaw
"yes" i assured him. he had such deep eyes that i had to fight to not fall into

that was me done. since i recruited the girls i got to leave at 12pm. i didn't want to go to the flat, i knew i'd be alone ... i could take george up on his good offer.
but i didn't feel like it. i could text gabby and go to the beach but i didn't want.
i could do so many things but get the man i loved to love me again.

as soon i was back at the flat i decided to cook a meal for me and matty. i knew i had a couple of hours, and i would need every single one. i decided on lasagna. i post mated the ingredients as well as a good bottle of red. it had been a while since i'd cooked anything. i also searched the flat top to bottom for candles. i wanted it to be beautiful and romantic

i spent the night dancing round the kitchen, i smiled thinking of the time we were seventeen and in his mums house cooking beans. we were both high and starving. i giggled thinking about the mess we made that day. denise was the maddest i'd ever seen her, the pan was ruined and the house stank of weed. nothing mattered to us back then. we didn't care about jobs or money. we only loved. at that point we had only been dating a year, it felt so much more. i knew everything about him and him me.

snapping out of my day dream and returning to the cooking i returned to my cooking.
once it was all cooked i slipped into a tight red dress that showed a lot of cleavage. it wasn't anything fancy like my silk dress, just a stretchy comfortable material. i also slipped some fluffy socks on because the laminate floor was hard on my feet.

i text matty to see when he would be home

new message to
"matty"

maya: when u home x
matty: soon
maya: what time?
matty: like 10 mins x

i smiled, i just had to sit and wait now.

10 minutes later he wasn't home

15 minutes later he wasn't home

1 hour later he wasn't home

by the time four hours came along and the clock struck 10 i sighed. i left the food out, i took my dress off in the living room, stripping down into just my black lace underwear and matching bra and went into our room. leaving the door slightly ajar so i knew when he came home. crashing into bed. crashing around me.

3am
"hey" i heard the curly haired boy whisper at my side
"matty?" i mumbled
"i'm sorry"
"you always are" i said bluntly
"what's wrong with you?"
"wrong with me?" i nearly screamed
"you're so distant lately" , i stare at him, filled with rage and anger. i wanted to scream and cry but instead i calmly said
"oh matty that's you"

i didn't want to continue the conversation and i was half asleep, so i fell back into the bed. closing my eyes. i new i had opened the can now and i couldn't re-seal it.

"no the fuck? that ain't it" matty yelled getting out of bed and turning the light on
"you don't just get to shut this out" he continued
"fucking watch me matty" i yelled back. we were face to face and angry.
his hands flew to my hair, pulling and twisting it.
mine did the same with his beautiful curls. my fingers ran down his back, marking my territory.
his lips connected with my neck, leaving bruises and marks. i was his.
"i love you" he breathed into my neck
"i love you" i replied as he grinned in the dark.

thirty minutes later he was asleep next to me, oblivious to the thoughts swirling in my head. where had he been all night. who had he been with. i let everything stay in the air, he still had a while before the album was released and i couldnt mess anything up this close to it.
i would have to wait
my happiness would have to wait