Matty Healy // i think we've done it all

our goodbye

i woke to sunlight flooding my new room, golden rays beaming everywhere throughout the window. i pulled the shutters back to reveal the sn at its highest. out of the window, I could see people rushing to get to work, i could also faintly see the Hollywood sign. i lived in a beautiful place.

rubbing my eyes i headed to my bathroom. it was white and new, the floor tilled and the shower massive. i stepped inside and lathered my hair and ody. i stepped out onto a fluffy bathmat, winding a towel around my body i stood in front of the few clothes that hung in my wardrobe deciding what to wear. in the end i decided on a t-shirt with three buttons and denim mom shorts, i obviously paired it with my doc martins and Michael Kors crossbody. i ran a comb through my hair and applied lipgloss. i was ready.

the beach was a good twenty minute was bt i didn't want to uber so i walked it. the whole way i had thoughts swirling. should i take him back or was it better this way? i had a flat now and if i took him back i would still have to go to England. was his happiness worth more?

as soon as i arrived at the beach i saw him, leaning against the wall that separated the pavement and the beach, he was dressed in black skinny jeans and a Calvin Klein white jumper. he spotted me straight away and smiled. his smile was saddened and the lines on his forehead had seemingly doubled. i waved back standing awkwardly as i approached him.

"hey," i said my voice barely audible
"hey" he replied his eyes meeting mine before dipping to the ground
"why did you invite me here matty?" i sighed
"you coudnt just leave with a letter. yeah you expalined some of it but i want to hear it in person"
"i can't move back to England" i blurred out
"you never said, i cant fix that if you don't tell me"
"it's not just that matty. i know this album is important to you but i just cant anymore. you work long hours adn you dont do thngs you use to. we fight and have sex and pretend to love one another but it isn't the same" i said finally feeling like i could breathe, the weight of the turht, after months, had been lifted. his face instantly fell and the words turned sour in my mouth
"matty" i breathed
"you don't love me?" .my own face fell as a single tear rolled down my cheek
"no matty. i don't think you love me", he looked at me through his curls and his eyes suddenly turned from glossy to cold and hard.
"i fucked gabby" , i was so taken back i didn't even hear the words he said at first maybe i didn't want to.
"what?"
"i fucked gabby. several times"
"i don't understand" i flustered. he shrugged kicking the sand
"why am i here then matty? i was gonna get away from you ... why?"
"may as well lay it bare" , this wasn't matty, i'd never seen him talk or look like this. it was like a whole new person was in his body. a person filled with rage and hate. i'd didn't even know him anymore.
"we were supposed to end beautifully matty don't you understand?" i said the tears coming in hot and heavy
"this isn't a song maya. this is beauty its real life. we are ending because i slept with your so-called friend and because you think i don't love you" he began to walk away from me, back to his flat.

  i dropped to the sand instantly overcome with a suck feeling in my stomchae. id nevr seen him that mad. as soon as he was out of sight i began to cry more, the tears were uncontrollable. the sand around my legs was still warm and the sun was beating on my back. it was only 3 pm and i had a whole day to deal with aftre this news. after wallowing around in my sandess i got up and brushed the sand off my legs. my body felt weird, heavy. the sadness clouded my body and i knew that i couldnt stay in LA now. i also knew i needed to talk to gabby.