OPEN BUT REVIEWS WILL BE SLOW
Want a story reviewed? Here's where to go! I will be brutally honest, but polite. I'm not here to tell you your story is terrible, but I'm here to tell you how to improve. I will not sugarcoat your flaws, but I will poi...
Cover and Title: 2.5/5 The cover was aesthetically pleasing, but it didn't say fantasy. It didn't even say action. Maybe it said romance. Even with the crow and the smoke, I wouldn't be surprised to see a cover like that on a billionaire CEO romance.
Also, the title works, but it wasn't particularly attention grabbing. It's just sort of meh.
Blurb: 3/5 Too long to attract potential readers. People are inherently lazy. You have to get their attention right away, and it wasn't until the very end of a VERY long blurb that I felt any interest for your story.
First Impressions: 1.5/5 When you click on the story, this is the first thing you see:
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I don't want to see your loading screen. I don't want the very first thing I see to be something that's very gimmicky and doesn't really have anything to do with the story. I generally say don't put anything before the start of the story, because hardly anyone actually reads them anyway, so you don't want to make your readers do extra work. A map is fine, because it's necessary in times, but hardly anything else please. It just makes me less likely to keep scrolling.
When I started reading, I felt bogged down by lots of purple prose. Each line by itself was beautiful and poetic, but so many together feels forced and unnatural.
Characters: 2/5 I had a hard time rooting for Alicia. I don't know why. I could tell you worked very hard with her, but I couldn't connect with her. Clearly many people have, so it could be just me, but I didn't see any personality early on, when it's most important.
Sebastian was better. At least he had some personality, but still, it was only so much.
Grammar: 5/5 I didn't see any errors.
Plot: 3/5 The reaper and Exile idea was interesting, but it seemed to take way too long to get into. Please clarify your setting. I couldn't tell if it was modern or medieval, earth or a different world. It felt like a different universe, but then there were guns and other modern objects that felt out of place.
