Chasing Daylight

Felix, May 30, 2014

“Love wins every round, no matter what the consequences.” –– Felix

 

  EVERYTHING SKAILAR WAS MADE ME FEEL LIKE I HAD A PURPOSE. She confused me. I liked it, though. The confusion distracted me from the reality that scared me more than I let anyone show throughout my existence.

  She looked exactly like her. If it weren’t for her beating heart, her flushed cheeks and the heat radiating from the blood pulsing through her veins, I would have sworn she was her. That it was really her…after one hundred and fifty one years, I thought she was back. That she was still real, still playing a seducing role of the daughter of the devil himself.

  But no. This girl was human. And she loved me. Or did she really think me being in her bedroom before dawn and caressing her with love and care was a dream?

  How did humans think? Decide? Live?

  My humanity left me centuries ago, before I met her. This girl who brought me to believe that I may have some experience in trying to live in a human world with success flew across my dark, moonless Skai when she ripped my gaze from me, stole my heart and my reason for giving up.

  But what human would interrogate another about his or her life only days after convincing him or her that he really doesn’t hate him…or her?

  I had showered this girl in memories which she tried to bury even deeper inside her from me, her eyes scrutinizing with guilt and deep revulsion.

  I needed this human’s soul and humanity to writhe within me to convince me that, not only would I feel human…I would seem human to another.

***

  Tyler never questioned me. Never confronted me about eighteen, twenty one. The year I killed him of his own humanity. Humanity.

  Humanity is so precious. For them to have an advantage like humanity! To experience the feeling of growing, living, loving, to cherish that life that would one day end.

  An end.

  An end is all I’d ask for.

  That was how it was supposed to be. You live, you grow and you die. Everyone dies in the end. That’s reality for humans. That’s a reality they don’t want to face.

  That’s a reality all of us yearn to live thoroughly.

  How we crave to need another soul to cling to. Another body to keep us warm. To rest…to trust; to give your own soul in confidence: we all want this and wish to have this. We all want someone to pour ourselves and our stories into.

  But we all had one problem with that; none of us actually had souls.

  If this is the only way we can all contribute; so be it. We learn from others with souls how to live around them.

  It is always hard. Never easy but we live. We experience. We cherish things in ways no human could think possible.

  This is us. Angels. Far from humans. We are demons. Dark angels who thrust our power and will into fighting our destiny to serve evil.

  At least the most of us who try and succeed, meeting light halfway there.

  I mean, we may not be human but we are men and women. We live in houses like humans, dress like humans, speak like humans and at least try to act like ones.

  “Still figuring her out?”

  My brother’s voice came out of nowhere. That made me smile, though. The surprise of the voice meant I wasn’t expecting it which feverishly meant that I had gained another human personality flaw.

  We all knew what would be coming, what came and what would happen from it.

  “She’s impenetrable.” I murmured as my fingers ran across the ivory keys of my piano, the starlit Skai gazing down upon me.

  “Here,” his arm’s movement made the air swift in a soft motion for my hearing and I turned around just in time for him to toss me a blood bag.

  I nodded in improvement.

  “AB Positive.” I mused. I’d missed this type. It had been a long eight months that the hospitals had run out of AB Positive.

  “Gustavo lucked out last night.” He laughed and I joined in, but weakly.

  “Thanks.” I sighed. I felt hesitant––which felt doubly good––to ask what was about to flow swiftly out of my mouth.

  “You really think there’s an explanation for her? A reasonable one?”

  He scoffed. “Ha! What’s ever reasonable about us?” He muttered, turning around, down the long, quiet passage and disappeared into a room, three more bags in his arm. I only took a fleeting glance at his shadow.

  I really hated how reasonable my brother had always been. Did he do it on purpose to make me feel guilty?

  But it pained me to be forced to stay away from Skailar. She was incredible, perfect, beautiful, amazing, humble…she was too perfect to be human. I couldn’t fathom her in the slightest.

  I knew one thing. I hated superstitions and all that lazy crap but now I was desperate. I had to know more about her. So I started folding one paper crane. And another one. And more.

  Only six hundred and twenty eight more to go.

  I already knew my wish.

  I would find humanity within my family and myself. And I would find this girl’s soul.