Chasing Daylight

Skai, June 10, 2014

“The worst part of loving someone who doesn’t love you back is knowing you’ll never stop loving them, though they hurt you without end; leave you in broken pieces.” –– Skailar

 

  I LOVE THE MAN WHO HURTS ME. Who makes me think he’ll never make up his mind about life.

  He’s undecided. About what? Everything.

  “Skailar? Skailar?” I’m disturbed by the Literature teacher’s voice of my name. My head snaps up.

  “Yes, sir?” My voice is low, tired.

  “Would you recite the seven lines of Robert Frost just to show that we were actually paying attention?” he suggests. I sigh and everyone head turns to look at me.

  “Did ever you feel so? I hope you never. It’s got so I don’t even know for sure whether I am glad, sorry, or anything. There’s nothing but a voice-like left inside that seems to tell me how I ought to feel, and would feel if I wasn’t all gone wrong.” I recite fluently, looking straight ahead of me.

  The teacher is disappointed.

  “That’s correct. Eyes in the front, people.” He drones on and on about Robert Frost and I constantly feel Felix’s eyes on me. Why was he so ambivalent?

  How could I still love him? Dream about him every night?

  Agony rips through me as I picture his face, the feeling of his kiss, his three distinct words from the first night I’d ever realized I felt something for him.