Chasing Daylight

Skai, June 22, 2014

“A secret can become so heavy; it makes blood flow easier than ink.” –– Patrick Rothfuss, The Wise Man’s Fear

  I KNEW HE HAD SECRETS. Some so livid, so fearful I almost don’t want to know. But that’s not the problem. I have to know. He seems so diffident to say any word to me, in fear of ruining anything solidly positive between us.

  “My life…and the secrets in it are…hazardous to your health. Very…dangerous…in a matter of speaking.” he warns darkly. In a matter of reassurance, I slide my hand underneath the table and into his.

  “You can tell me.” I say to him but we are annoyingly interrupted by the sliding of the French glass doors for the hostess to bring our food and drink. Felix thanks the waitress before she closes us in again.

  “…you’re really not going to eat anything?” I ask him, spearing a sliver of the delicious looking salmon.

  He simply shakes his head. “Okay, then. You were saying?” I prompt willingly.

  His casual expression turns dark and frightful but I certainly don’t let him realized how much it makes me anxious. He turns his face away from me in shame before he’s even spoken so my chair scrapes across the floor as I move up closer to him.

  “I promised I wouldn’t judge you. No matter how bad it is. And I won’t. You can trust me on this.” I tell him and his eyes meet mine tentatively.

  “You have to understand that…no matter how you see it now, it is what it is and…when you go in…you can’t run away from it.” he gives me another warning and I nod, a little scared of the truth myself if I have to fully admit it.

  But he can’t push me away any further. He needs someone to talk to. And I want to be that person who he shares his soul to.

  “You know what? This actually isn’t the best place for a story like mine so…”

  “Are you stalling?” I demand from him sternly.

  “No, I wish I was. Please. Just…let’s wait until you’ve finished eating and we can take another slow walk back to your home?” he suggests solemnly to me.

  I huff in frustration. “I’m not much of a patient person in case you have yet to notice.” I grumble miserably. He smiles, satisfied.

  “Oh, I’ve definitely noticed your persona of intolerance.” he chuckles and I glare at him.

  “So, please…enlighten me.” he insists and I concede.

  “It’s…a strange thing. To be so upset with something…that hardly seems worth it.” I say softly, never allowing him release his hand from mine.

  “I’ll understand.” he assures me for the last time before I take a deep breath.