Chasing Daylight

Felix, June 22, 2014

Chapter 8

  “Judgment has many names but the worst is Love.” –– Skailar

  DAMN IT, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER THIS, OR ANYTHING WITHOUT HER RUNNING AWAY FROM ME FOREVER. But she sure as hell isn’t letting go of it anytime soon until I open my mouth.

 “Felix, tell me what’s wrong.” She insists. “Why does what have to happen? Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Skai,” I finally turn to look at her, towering over her small body.

  “Please explain to me what all of this is––”

  “Cranes.” I murmur. She looks at me blankly.

  “Cr…anes?”

  “Paper cranes.” I say to be exact. “I’ve been folding paper cranes. Until one thousand exactly are complete. Do you know the story?”

  “Every one thousand paper cranes that are folded grants one wish.” She whispers, her dark eyes lost in mine. God, how can I break this already broken girl? I can’t do something like this.

  “Yes. I’ve made my wish. My wish is that, whatever I tell you, I pray that you will understand and, at least, give me a chance to talk.”

  “You’ve been folding paper cranes?” she murmurs, staring motionless at our entwined hands.

  “Yes. For you. But…I have to ask you now…do you believe in something other than humanity? Something other than humans who go about their day? They wake up, get ready to face their day, they face it, and then they rest for another. No change…just something that happens every day and that’s so normal? Do you believe in something that isn’t natural? Something unnatural?”

  She stares at me as if I’m some unstable prophet.

  “I don’t understand.” She eyes me cautiously. “Why are you asking me this?”

  “Just tell me. Do you believe?” my face is inches from hers and I know I’m already on the verge of freaking her out.

  “I don’t know.” She sounds defensive, and by all right, she should be. “Why are you asking, Felix––?”

  I kiss her. Again. And again. Over and over, my lips connect with hers softly and she slowly starts to bring me closer, losing herself.

  If I knew that it was this easy to distract her, I would have done more than just kiss her earlier…

  Eventually, I pull away, convincing myself that I’m being a coward, finding the easy way out of my mess.

  “Are you trying to kill me?” she manages to whisper and I find her words amusing.

  “What?”

  “If you do that again, you’re most likely on the verge of becoming a murderer, you know that, right?” she looks back up at me and I’m staggered. I thought she was beautiful a couple hours ago but now…she could kill with one word, one touch, one glance and she’s complaining about me. As soon as the second she’d lost herself, she’d found herself back on track, staring hard into my eyes.

  “Please stop trying to sidetrack me, Felix.”

  “…I’m scared of what you’ll think of me if I say it.” I whisper.

  “…I’ve told you too many times for you not to take me seriously now. I won’t judge you. You can trust me.”

  You might as well listen to Juliette and kill her right here, right now before she goes off and spreads this to the world.

  And the fact that my subconscious would even think that makes me think even worse of myself. How much worse is it possible?

  “Yes, but…can you trust me––?”

  “Yes. I can. Now tell me. You asked me if I believed in something…supernatural.” She reminds me softly, and I faintly nod, never dropping our gaze for fear I’ll screw up and run away, never to give her an explanation for my messed up actions and life.

  “Do you want me…to tell you point blank…what you want to know?”

  “…more than anything, Felix. You know that you can trust me…always.”

  Holy hell, I don’t want to do this, god only knows how much I don’t want to do this, and...

  Compulsion. God, I am such an idiot. I have my gift. Use it. That’s why it’s there, obviously. I’ve got to be the stupidest angel alive today. I grab her hand securely in mine, pressing my index and middle finger into the veins on her wrist, and I stare straight into her eyes, into vast open space filled with memories and emotions, visions and dreams.

  “Skailar…you will have full control of your reactions to what I am about to tell you. You will keep calm and will not be afraid of me.” I add extra emphasis in the last part because I don’t care if she runs away. But she can’t be afraid of me. She cannot.

  “…I won’t be afraid,” her lips barely move with her words, and I exhale and drop her hand and gaze.

  I move my lips to the side of her head and gently kiss her temple before settling them by her ear. I really have to bend my head for her being so short as opposed to me being pretty tall.

  “I love you, Skai. You have become my everything.” I whisper before carrying on what I feel like will start a riot.

  “I’m your worst nightmare…”