Mixed Personalities

12.5

Nassiah
Wednesday.

I couldn't sleep,probably because I fucked up my own sleep schedule then woke up when king woke up and that would usually leave me tired as hell. It took me until like 12:30 to put that boy down because he didn't wanna sleep in his bed- bet you he's in his bed though. The boy couldn't stand being alone for a long time so I had to chill in his room with him until he fell asleep. He needed a sibling or something so he can calm down. He's my only son and kid so he gets all my attention anyway but he be doing to much. Mac is also coming home soon, nigga been calling me stressed sense the weekend asking if he can stay with me when he visit. Like sure you can but my son annoying so have fun with that. Kings learning more words and due to that he's talking more. It's a win and a loose because he's annoying but it's like, you so fucking smart.

I rubbed my eyes getting up wanting something to eat but who wanted to cook? Hot pocket it was. I could've had left overs from dinner but that was for another time, grabbing my phone I checked the time 1:36 am. Damn that's not that bad. Walking into the kitchen I got a drink first not wanting to be bothered to actually make the hot pocket right now.

   BANG BANG BANG BANG- oh hell na. I looked at the door before going into my room and grabbing my piece. I took the safety off heading towards the door then exhaled-if I had to kill a nigga right now. I swung the door open holding up the gun before smacking my teeth at the face. Alonso.

   "I n-need y-you" he sniffed, I put the safety on lowering my gun and tucked it in my shorts. I wanted to smile but the pain in his voice was real- but I was fucking right- here I come in saving someone once a mother fucking gain. "I d-don't know. I f-fucked up"

   "Oh you need me huh? I told you that mad times" I said as I grabbed the boys arm pulling him inside so I could shut the door and lock it.

   "I w-went to Tash house then she sent me here" the smell of alcohol fresh on his breath and a faint smell of weed lingered on his body- his eyes blood shot and sad and tear stains on his chocolate skin.

   "What happen? You and ya mans broke up or something?" I asked leading him to the couch so we could sit. He was in deep thought but his tears were still streaming down his face. I didn't know if I should be mad or comfort him. Of course that fight didn't make me hate him but he's been fighting against my help sense I offered. I didn't even realize myself whipping his tears until his sad eyes turned to me. "Answer my question" I huffed not growing impatient. He leaned into my touch resting his head on my shoulder- my arms wrapped around him and it stayed quiet for a minute. I didn't mine because I still had a sleeping two toddler.

" M-Me and my pops" he started, I have never seen Alonso this vulnerable for this long.  He never let his shit show- sure I could infer but right now he was crying in my arms. "W-we left off inna bad place. I wanted to leave it there but- he moving up here"  he said softly. "I f-finna h-help run the saints" he added and my face scrunched up. Alonso run the saints? I mean the dude could do it—  but his heart never beat like that on its own.

   "Why the hell would you do that?" I asked feeling my blood boil. His father had me fucked up, I know I must've been bugging- MUSTVE BEEN. "what the hell did you do when you went down Thea foo? Alonso I swea to god" I moved his head so we were now looking eye to eye and he exhaled at long one.

   "I ain't d-do nothing. I just told him what happened- he thought I was the f-feds or whatva' so he had me shoot for him. Shoot a gun — his gun"

  "That shit probably got bodies! Ya finger prints" I groaned out and he smacked his lips at the comment.

    "Fuck the prints- I have bodies on that shit too now" he explained he set his head on my chest again.

   "That nigga had you killing niggas? You was toting a fucking gun?" I spat- I knew this wasn't the time but I was pissed. Why everyone keep doing my baby like this.

    "I a-ain't know" He hiccuped "but when I did know- what could I do? I just took three niggas heads"

  "Three?" I whispered yelled.

"In the moment it felt good" he added I could fear his tears pickup because they were hitting my chest.

   " you was down Thea running the streets?" He just shrugged.

   "I was just down Thea three months- it was weird. Cause I k-know I hate his ass. But everything he was teaching me was easy. H-he's been teaching me my whole life!  L-like I should be down Thea you know?" He asked

   "No I don't fucking know- he took you at ya lowest and used that for him to do the same shit he did ya whole childhood- am I wrong?" I snapped.

   "He jumped me in" wap. I smacked the back of his head that I was previously running my fingers over his waves. He then leaned up a bit and showed me the S with a halo over it on his arm. "T-then he called me a f-faggot when I came out to him" he added his voice shaking. Alonso dad was testing me all different types of ways, I knew how bad alonso wanted his father to be proud of him his whole life- that doesn't change in three years and his father is turning him into everything Alonso was terrified to be. He almost did it. "N-now he's comin hea' he trynna talk and he wants me to move the family business up hea"

   "You ain't toting no god damn guns you hea me? Lost your fucking mine Alonso Kiraro" I spat tapping him so he could get up. I whipped his face. "This what you holding in? Boy I should fuck you up. So how we finna kill ya pops?" I questioned and Alonso eyes nearly fell out his head.

   "I a-ain't wanna tell nobody" he said in embarrassment. I could kind of understand because everyone thought of Alonso so highly. Boy made it out the hood and continued not to be bothered by it— or almost did. "We can't kill him— he's my dad" he added again but I wasn't buying it.

    "You finna piss me off— he ain't finna keep doing you like this" I added going to get him some water then returning. "You broken as hell, confused as hell" I started but he shut me up when he looked at me.

   "B-but m-maybe I should join the saints" he added I almost lost my fucking mind. "What! You was playing in these streets! A-and maybe that's all I meant to be"

  "And look at my fucking face!" I huffed "them streets not fun- your ass staying out of it that's fucking it. Got me fucked up" I smacked his head again making him wave my hand away lazily. "You tell amor?"

   "I only told you" I wanted to smack him again, he always trying to go through these things alone and now look where they got him. "Just forget I said anything— I-Imma figure it out" he said going to stand up but I pushed him back down.

  "No no no no no- you came to me. You should've been but you finally got some sense, you dumb as hell if you think imma let you go through this alone"

................
Y'all should've seen my face when everyone was saying Nas gonna break first because I was like nooooo my baby lo finna come all broken so Nassiah can save his black ass.

- I'm finally happy cause atleast my babies on good terms... for now