Transitioning

Sanaa

Volume twelve

"I feel like I never see you anymore." I spoke to Saymon.

"I'm with you everyday?" He said in a question like tone.

"No, you with Kee and them everyday and accidentally run into me because I be with one of the girls."

"That's not true." He spoke getting me annoyed.

"When the last time we had sex?" I asked as he started thinking. "Exactly, that's how long we been away from each other that you can't even remember the last time we had sex."

"I didn't think it was that serious since we see each other everyday." He shrugged.

"So you don't think spending time with me is important?"

"I'm not saying that, I'm saying since we always together I thought it was enough."

"Maybe if you wasn't in the streets, you wouldn't-"

"Here you go."

"Here I the fuck go!" I raised my voice since he cut me off.

"This another reason."

"Another reason for what?"

"That I don't be wanting to be with you and just you, every time we together you find some way to bring up that I'm selling again like aight Sanaa I get it, you don't like the shit but nobody wanna hear that when they just wanna chill with their girl."

"You know what I don't wanna hear? "Saymon got locked up, Saymon got shot, Saymon dead."." I looked at him. "Yeah, you like quick money I understand that but you got out that life for a reason, what the fuck are you going back for?"

"I told you when I have enough saved for my mother to live comfortably then I'll stop."

"Your mother?" I asked loudly. "She lives comfortably period! She just got a damn 2019 car, she's perfect. Stop trying to make excuses and just gimme the real."

"And what's the real?"

"You don't wanna stop because you got used to the damn money and you wanna be greedy knowing you don't need this."

"You like getting ya nails done, right? Ya hair? All those-"

"You fucking tried it Saymon." I looked at him like he was stupid. "I have a damn mother, brother, sister and a Godmother. If I needed anything, I can always ask them. If I really needed anything I would fucking get a job, don't ever make it seem like I'm dependent on you."

"Nana, you-"

"What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if I was doing what Dylan was doing, would you like it?"

"If it's making you money and you needed it then fine."

"Bet, Imma hit up Ice right now cause he was talking bout he needed somebody to set up this nigga."

"I'll really fuck you up." He snatched my phone.

"I knew you was lying cause you know damn well you wouldn't like that shit."

"You right, I was lying but that's two different things."

"How? Both putting their life in danger and both making quick money, where's the difference?"

"Whatever Nana." He waved me off knowing I was right.

"You did all this fighting for me for what?"

"What you mean by that?"

"Janey wanted you to go back to dealing and you went the fuck off, now you get with me and it's all you do. If you ain't want a girl who actually wanna see you do something with your life then what did you do that for? You coulda left me the fuck alone."